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The offices of Paul Johnson, football coach and bass fishing show aficionado.


Paul Johnson: What the hell is that on my damn tv?

PR Guy: We're here from EA Sports, coach. You're supposed to do a spot for EA's new edition of NCAA Football. 

Paul Johnson:  I don't give a E-A-E-I-Oh what you're here for. It's 2:00 p.m. I'm watching Bass Monsters and that's final. 

PR Guy: Coach, I appreciate your time, and remind you that you're contractually obligated to do a five minute spot with us promoting the game.

[shows Paul Johnson endorsement contract he signed as part of his contract, which he just sort of signed without looking while making the fiercest of wanking gestures]

Paul Johnson: [Rolls eyes so hard he scratches his corneas.] Fine. Then we're putting on Bass Monsters

PR Guy: We really appreciate it. These photographers are here to take your picture and some video.

Paul Johnson: I ain't wearing makeup. You get what you get here. Paint is for NASCAR, houses, and whores, you hear me? 

PR Guy. That's fine. Coach, this is the game we've got up here. As you can see, we've even included your playbook in here. 

Paul Johnson: We don't have a playbook, son. It's all up here. [points to temple] 

PR Guy: Well, coach, we must have access to your brain, because look, it's all here!

Paul Johnson: You mindstealing son-of-a-bitch WAIT. Wait just a second. You don't have our playbook. What does that say?

PR Guy: That's our updated passing playbook.

Paul Johnson: For us? Passing?

PR Guy: Yes, coach. You see---

[Paul Johnson laughs for the remaining three minutes of his contractually required time.]

Paul Johnson: Son, there's two things that fall of the back of a mule: old drunks, and what this game is. If you need me, I'll be watching Bass Monsters and not caring about your sissynerd Barbie Football games. 

Paul Johnson turns on Bass Monsters and ignores the term "breach of contract" and everyone else in the room.