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We will have a detailed breakdown of this in a bit, but all we can say to the good people at ATVS and is what the college football world should have said to Les Miles a long time ago: thank you for being yourself, and for 'bowin' up on your own daughter for all the world to see. Have to keep them humble, you know.

/puts eight pounds of taffy in the bucket

YOU CANNOT KILL BUTCH DAVIS NOT WITH A THOUSAND BULLETS AND ONE METEORITE. We reiterate the claim that the NCAA's investigative arm is just making shit up as it goes along, and always has, and always will. This is a useful statement in light of UNC's formal letter of allegations from the NCAA, a document that contains solid evidence of academic fraud and a coach funneling players to agent Gary Wichard, and yet falls short of the "lack of institutional control" label.

There are upsides to the continuing actions of the rabid monkey-judge overseeing the enforcement of the NCAA's hilarious rules governing amateurism. Everyone can be right all at once here: Stewart Mandel is right when he says that Butch Davis will still probably survive this since his name is practically invisible in the report, Godfrey's right when he says that Butch Davis really sucks at investing properly in cheating futures, and we can harvest right points by the bushel because nothing can kill Butch Davis at UNC. (Thus has it ever been, according to the Daily.)

Oh, and look! Ever so fortuitously, we have a UNC preview at the mothership! Our timing be immaculate, lawya.

SPEAKING OF PEOPLE WHO CANNOT BE FIRED.  George O'Leary, still employed!

Anthony Davis said that UCF coach George O'Leary ordered all water and trainers out of the indoor fieldhouse during the practice on March 18, 2008. He also testified during the wrongful death trial in Orlando that the coach was yelling obscenities at Plancher as he told him to get up after falling during an obstacle course drill.

George O'Leary yelled obscenties at a player as he was dying. No matter the context, circumstances, or outcome of the court case, that happened. There's really no joke here.

YOUR TWEETS ARE BEING MONITORED PLEASE BE AWARE. "Remember, always attribute lyrics, kids."

MUSCHAMP FLUFF. Yes, he's a good defensive coordinator. Love, the NCAA stats page.

ETC: Treasure Island is where one finds booty, after all. The greatest Youtube comment that does not involve "I like the part where he/she [obvious thing]." Jim Delany is just his own brand of hallucinogen at this point.