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HE'S RIGHT, YOU KNOW.  College football announcers do jump over the ledge with a bit more abandon that NFL announcers (Sean McDonough is one of the best examples of a professional, composed play-by-play guy who can hit the nitrous fast when he wants to,) but on the whole football is a more mundane ecosystem than futbol when it comes to the voices calling the game. A brilliant illustration of this principle follows. 


(Via 12RaygeScottgun)

DENNIS BERGKAMP DENNIS BERGKAMP DENNIS BERGKAMP. Local guys are of course exempt from this rule, especially when they are fake Gary Dolphin and Ed Podolak.

FOOTBALL'S NOT EXACTLY IMPORTANT ANYMORE. Nevada junior wide receiver Brandon Wimberly's career is done, and that so doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things considering he survived being shot in the gut over the weekend. Wimberly, who was on pace to graduate from Nevada in 3.5 years, was a starter, and is one of the best-liked players on the team, was shot once in the abdomen at 2:30 a.m. in downtown Reno after an altercation between a group of football players Wimberly was with and an unidentified group of men. The injuries are described as "life-changing," while the Reno PD practice the art of understatement.

"Right now, the investigation is continuing on how that happened," Brown said. "We'd really like to interview the person (who fired the gun) and hear their side of the story." 

We bet you would. 

IN A BARELY RELATED NOTE. Chris Ault, Hall of Famer, godfather of the Pistol Offense, and the coach of the Nevada Wolfpack who spent part of this weekend waiting to see if he was going to have a dead player on his hands, took a pay cut in his two-year extension with the school. 

PAWWWWWWLLLL IF YOU LOOK THERE'S A SECRET MESSAGE THAT SAYS 'TROOPER TAYLOR IS THE CHUPACABRA' iN THE STONES. Auburn players have been giddily tweeting pictures of their championship bling, available shortly on EBay and other fine e-commerce sites NO THAT WOULD BE WRONG NO NO NO. By rule the rings cannot exceed $415 in value, and we would make them all worth exactly $416 dollars just to troll the NCAA in doubletime.

FULMER CUPPEDNESS. To be noted in an update later today, but South Carolina's Devonte Holloway does not get off a block without some serious damage, and Iowa State suspends a running back for substances of a controlled nature. Clearly we have passed into the Fulmer Cup liturgical calendar month of Drunkocost.

ROPE, HELD. Luke Fickell managed to land all but one of Ohio State's 23 commits for summer enrollment, so there's that and the promise of waking up tomorrow, Ohio State fans. You can also take pride in the overall thriftiness of your conference! You're regular Peter Pennysavers, y'all!

IT'S FUN WHEN YOU WRITE ABOUT THINGS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. Watching Adam take apart a Phil Mushnick column is like watching a chimpanzee rip the arms off a rival.

ETC: Richard Lewis was wrong, but so were we in this respect. Alabama lawmakers tied into the Milton McGregor case used the words "aborigines" in a very inaccurate and inappropriate matter. (HT: Blutarsky.) Yeah, Tiki, that doesn't sound fun at all. Balls is a technical term, and can be used on television.