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PEOPLE HOUSTON NUTT WOULD GIVE HONORARY SCHOLARSHIPS TO

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This brilliant bit from the strange past of Patrick Fain Dye naturally led us to thinking about who Houston Nutt would hand out an honorary scholarship to, and don't make the joke about all scholarships being "honorary" to Houston Nutt, because Mike Slive effectively already did. With Luke, who's now on board for various duties at SBN including Nutt Satire Duty.

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Jeremiah Masoli. Welcome back whenever he wants to finish his masters degree.

Taylor Hicks. Would give him two honorary scholarships if he could.

Kevin James. Hoo-boy, that fella's got talent.

The KFC Colonel, Popeye, The Cajun Colonel, and Reverend Colonel (of Church's.) All colonels. It's important to respect our troops. 

Lt. Whiskers. Nutt's cat. 

The Mandrell Sisters.

J.J. Abrams. Nutt just discovered Felicity, S1)

Mr. Carrabba. The guy who owns Carabba's.

Farticus. Best gladiator he knows. 

Kelly Clarkson, but only at her most voluptuous

The entire 1993 Philadelphia Phillies. Good guys. Better men.

R. Kelly. He steps in the name of love. Don't snicker. He ain't perfect and neither are you. We all make recruiting mistakes.

Steve Martin. For raising Brad Paisley's beautiful wife right.

Khloe Kardashian. You know what he likes about her? SHE'S BIG.

Michael McDonald, but only "Specialty Album" Michael McDonald.

Harold Camping. 0-2 ain't such a bad start in the SEC

Houston Zel-Xbor-Nutt872. Great-great-great-great-great grandson from the future. Great kid. A spiritual kid. Gills or not, we're all the same in God's eyes.

Mr. Smith. The only honest 12 term senator left in Washington.

LeBron James. Let's play your true sport before you get too old, son.

Benny Hinn. For healing Deuce McAllister.

Calista Flockhart. He doesn't know what she's protesting, but you gotta admire her commitment to a hunger strike.

The sun. Big ol boy, ain't no quit in him either.