clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

THE CRYSTAL CAPER IS THE WRITTEN ON THE WIND OF AUBURN FOOTBALL

New, 69 comments

Auburn's series of videos "The Crystal Caper" seems innocuous enough, but so did the films of Douglas Sirk until you looked closely enough at their carefully constructed subversion. Sure, this seems like a campus production about Aubie stealing the BCS trophy, but soon we are plunged into the dark underbelly of life in southeast Alabama itself: its passions, its secrets, and the things Trooper Taylor says to the poor girl at the Foy Information Desk in the middle of the night when no one else is listening.

Screen_shot_2011-06-10_at_11

First Clown: Ay, e'en that--wait, you're not having sex with that, are you?

Hamlet: Alas, I am.

First Clown: Thou shalt bleach and windex when finished.

Hamlet: Pete Carroll hath enacted the same act of congress.

First Clown: Ah, but his acts hath been vacated.

Hamlet: Of course--if not, then two princes thrust into one throne would be an ill fit, Clown!

First Clown: Thou'st friends in West Virginia would agree.

Hamlet: Let they be women of loose city-gates and morals, Clown, you stand correct.

Screen_shot_2011-06-10_at_12

Step one: take photo with cellphone flash through BCS trophy. Step two: [ABSORB MAGICAL POWERS]. Step three: BECOME GREEN LANTERN. Step four: Green Lantern has to testify in front of congress and get investigated by DOJ. :(

Screen_shot_2011-06-10_at_12

"Daddy, can I kiss the trophy like mommy kisses our pastor?"

"Of course, Tommy, I WAIT WHAT--"

"Honey I--"

"I HEARD THEM THEY SAID THEY WERE PLAYING 'ALL-IN'"

 

Screen_shot_2011-06-10_at_12

"How drunk did you and Pat Dye get last night?"


Screen_shot_2011-06-10_at_12

OHHHHHH HELP ME I SAID "INUK CHUK" AND NOW I'M HUGE IN THIS GIGANTIC OFFICE WITH A TINY HELMET HELP ME FOY INFORMATION DESK---

Screen_shot_2011-06-10_at_12

"...and that's why I carry a towel everywhere, girl."

 

Screen_shot_2011-06-10_at_1

"Yessir, I can answer that Auburn will be paying Gene Chizik $3.5 MILLION JESUS WHAT THE HELL--"