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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 5/6/2011

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FINE IT'S STUCK IN YOUR HEAD NOW. For like, a solid damn week now. SHARE OUR PAIN.

Dear CBS and SEC: give us this song, Holly's video editing skills, and eight hours in your video archives, and we will construct the single greatest hype-up video for the 2011 season you could possibly envision.

WOOOOOOOO SEC CHARITY. The SEC donated $500K to tornado relief, and if you need to be reminded why just read this account by an Alabama student who rode the tornadowaves himself.


I laid on top of my neighbor and immediately the winds picked up again. I was bombarded with (judging from wounds and what is still embedded in my back at the time of this writing) glass, roofing shingles, pieces of wood, and a Bic pen. LOL. I know this for sure because I pulled it out of my side when I stood up.

The worst form of advertising imaginable for a line of pens is just one of like eighty horrible details from the story. (The use of LOL in disaster stories really should be more widespread, because that does leap off the page, doesn't it?) This is your daily reminder that it is a much bigger mess than anyone not on the ground there can understand, so the donations widget over on the right bar there is ready when you are. (via)

TORNADOES ARE NOT WHY NICK SABAN WANTS A HUGE INDOOR PRACTICE FACILITY. Or at least why he will want one after he sees this on Oklahoma's Facebook page.

THE NCAA REALLY IS MAKING THE HARDWARE STORE DEFENSE. Of course they haven't got the letter, but they are a hardware store, so even when they get it it's just going to be confusion because seriously, what does Indianapolis plumber Mark Emmert know about all this college sports craziness? Now, if you need a bidet installed, he is totally your man.

Did you just make the metaphorical link between the filthy fleshpipes of college athletics being washed clean by the NCAA's rubber stamp of projected but illusory propriety? You shouldn't, because unlike the NCAA a bidet actually does its job and reduces the amount of crap sticking to its clients.

MONSIEUR MALLETT DID NOT TRUST THE INCOMING MANAGEMENT. This is all fairly obvious stuff, but the emphasis on Rich Rodriguez never looking someone in the eye is one of those magnificent simian psychological clues dumb people like to rely on when making decisions. "He looked me in the eye, which really confused me because he then went on to swindle thousands from me." That's, like, LiarSchool 101 right there. Always look people in the eyes.

BOISE WOULD LIKE SOME CLARIFICATION ON THE LACK OF CLARIFICATION. Boise probably appreciates the bidet metaphor, since the NCAA's cleansing process for them involved a porcelain Dalek with all these useless knobs that didn't ever really do anything it wanted them to do, and now we're all dirtier and more confused than when we started.

HOLD UP ON GUS, BUT DON'T. CBS has a week to match Fox's offer, and so he's going to Fox, but it needs to be said that they could in theory match or beat, but he wants to be a number one bro, and hello friends, that ain't happening.

MORE ON LIBERATED FANDOM. It's possible, we think, to be a liberated fan of a professional sport, i.e. a bachelor fan, but in college it's just nigh-impossible due to tribal loyalties, geography, and the nature of most college fandom. Ziller argues for what we think we are, fan-wise: partisan, and extremely so, but not to the point it induces misery (or at least lasting misery, that is.) Mind you, this entire conversation started in a discussion about soccer, a sport where people really do occasionally kill each other over rivalries, so maybe it's an imperfect match at best, but the point still stands, and the greatest piece of supporting evidence you have for the existence of a universe-distorting fandom in college football IS RIGHT HERE URRDAY AT 3:00 EST, PAWWWWLLLL.

(May it never die, because shit, is it entertaining and frightening all at the same time, and we happen to be addicted to that very cocktail.)