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Gordon Gee isn't being a distasteful samurai, he just looks like that all the time because he's high.

OMG DO YOU HAVE ENOUGH TRESSEL? Too bad! It's all we're going to be talking about today, and that's just fine with Dana Holgorsen, who something something something we forget OMG JIM TRESSEL RESIGNED. From his resignation letter:

After meeting with university officials, we agreed that it is in the best interest of Ohio State that I resign as head football coach.

The recent situation has been a distraction for our great university and I make this decision for the greater good of our school.

It's an overdue hara-kiri still not going to stop the infection of an NCAA investigation from spreading into the area of Terrelle Pryor's private motor pool, a bit of breaking news yesterday that actually mattered in terms of Ohio State's future prospects with the NCAA. Pryor's probably done at Ohio State, and you best believe Trooper Taylor and Houston Nutt are currently sitting in separate huge birthday cakes inside Pryor's apartment wearing bikinis and waiting to dance the sexy transfer dance for his services.

We're working on a longer form answer to the question of "just how bad is all of this" in the grand scheme of things, but in terms of the benefits exchanged? This is nickel pimpin', and makin' it hail by throwing nickels at the strippers, and lying about it when the punishment for the actual offense would have been piddling by comparison makes Tressel and Ohio State look even dumber for the cover-up.

ABOUT THE SI ARTICLE. The SI article contained the following useful pieces of information:

  • A player exchanged goods for a pound of weed, which probably means someone on the team was selling weed at one point. This is not shocking to anyone who went to a school with a major football program. (You could argue that it should be, but that does not change its notshockingness.)
  • Tattoo parlors in C-bus are pretty chill. Chicken AND tattoos? We are so there.
  • A Pulitzer Prize-winning reporter got really excited about Jim Tressel fixing a raffle in the 1980s.
  • But seriously, Jim Tressel fixed a raffle. That makes him the Emperor of Ohio for life.
  • BARTER LORDS OF COLUMBUS would be a fine hour-long television drama. 
  • George Dohrmann likes Keith Brookings' tackling style just fine, thank you. 
  • Eddie Rife once allegedly pointed a gun at a dude with the pseudonym "Ellis." If this was Ellis Burks from the '86 RBI Baseball game, you have started a war you will not win, Eddie Rife. Burks and Don Baylor were so fucking clutch in that game it was not even funny, and we defend them to the death. You have been warned. (You know, once you get out of prison.)
  • Players were getting the tattoo/merch barter arrangement for much longer than anyone previously knew. In other news, we're still peeing in the shower at the YMCA
  • In short, the article boils down to this.

    WAS TERRELLE PRYOR THAT STUPID? The answer to this question is yes, apparently, he is that dumb. 

    WELL THAT IS GOING TO FORCE SOME BUDGETING. Tressel's contract specifies that, in the event of a termination like this, Ohio State doesn't owe him a nickel for further nickel pimpin'. If he needs something, though [wink wink] [nods toward car dealership] [smiles.]

    HAHAHHAAAHHHHAAA SURE.  Luke Fickell really does have a chance to get that interim tag off, and we'll lose that weight, and you'll finish that degree and then we'll all mountain bike with our sweet old bros through canyons thanks to our awesome prostate medication. It'll be just like that!

    FURTHER TRESSEL-ALIA: Eleven Warriors cuts up the Dohrmann article something nasty-like; Graham Watson lays outhe exact details of the "grisly demise." (Hinton's on vacation this week. Glad nothing happened, Doc!) Urban Meyer isn't going anywhere "this fall," and if the NCAA comes calling he may mean this in a more permanent, less seasonal way. Ohio State coaches rarely leave without some blood on the floor. DAMMIT THEY KILLED OUR BELOVED NIXON.