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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 5/11/2011

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WELL JUST BECAUSE. Who? Led Bloody Zeppelin, that's who, and because John Bonham dead is a better drummer than 99% of those living. Plus it's Wednesday, and the man could grow a surprisingly trim Niven-class mustache with the best of them when he wasn't sporting the Thunder God beard.

His segment in The Song Remains The Same is nothing but him walloping on the drums, drinking beer, picking up his wife, demolishing things with power tools, racing cars, and feeding animals on his estate. That and his peerless drumming are enough for us to include him in the Mustache Wednesday Hall of Glory despite his loyalty to the beard, since the whole thing should be shown as some kind of instructional video to young men for proper ideals, and to women as a definition of what is good and attractive in a mate. (Leave out the choking on your own vomit after drinking.)

THE LES MILES/GUS JOHNSON SINGULARITY IS STILL THEORETICALLY ALIVE. There is a point in saying that Gus Johnson going to cover the Pac-12 as their Fox announcer is like sending an auctioneer to run a church cake walk in terms of an enthusiasm/interest marriage. There is also some value in adding Johnson to the games as his own spectacle, because if the fans don't really care as much as they should about Arizona/Stanford, Gus certainly will act like he does, and that's part of his value. This statement excerpted for the Pac-12 North, which is just redneck enough to really, really care a bit too much about football.

YOU SHOULD PROBABLY GO BACK TO THE FIRST PRICE. Thad Gibson's Free Chrysler has now joined the Free iPod nano (Congratulations! [slaps computer screen])  and the BMG Free Music Club (IT'S NOT FREE DON'T LISTEN) in the ranks of "things that only sort of existed." An older invoice for the car shows the price Gibson paid for the used Chrysler 300 in 2007 as $13,700, a price that is way more than zero dollars and something less than awesome for Gibson because it's a Chrysler.

There is still that other invoice out there, and when paperwork says two different things men who care about paperwork show up in the form of the Ohio State BMV. (You know, where Subcommandante Wayne's mom works like a total bitch for like 35 hours a week. Never work for the man.) 

Meanwhile the NCAA "might" investigate, and Chris Spielman says he's received "threatening e-mails" over his comments that Tressel is done. Good luck threatening Spielman. There is a tiny sign on his traps, and it reads "Elevation 3,392 ft, USGS Survey Team." (HT: 11W, from their Scarlet and Gray Man-Cave, presumably ) We promise to write about something else other than the slow decline and fall of Jim Tressel as soon as something else happens.

THIS WILL NOT HAPPEN. Or if and when it does, it will likely be for the Oregon game that USC loses by 35, and then we'll all wonder when people will stop rolling out black helmets for big games and then cringing at the results. We still stand by Tennessee's black jerseys, though, since the image of murderous candy corn running around the field on Halloween is its own pitch.

IS OKLAHOMA STATE ENTERING A GOLDEN AGE OF COWBOY FOOTBALL? Probably, since the past really doesn't have much to look back on, and that's not us saying it, mind you. That's our OK State blog saying something like that.

ALSO A REALLY NICE GUY IN BOTH CASES. We do have some of the nicest villains, don't we?

WELL THANK GOODNESS HE HIRED AN OFFENSIVE COORDINATOR. The presence of Herb Hand on the staff should diminish this somewhat, but Vanderbilt better have hired James Franklin for his management skills and not his offensive credentials. 

THE HAIRCUTS HAVE NOT CHANGED. Neither have the faces or expressions, actually. (Via Doc Saturday.)