TURN IT UP.
I've been in two tornadoes, including the one that hit the Georgia Dome during the SEC tournament. They're nowhere near as fun as Twister makes them out to be, and do all kinds of bizarre things that really make you question whether quantum theory goes far enough in summing up the randomness of the universe. One brick building will be bombed to the foundations while a wooden house stands next to it with a few nicks from swirling debris; children get ripped from parents' arms and get set down a few blocks over with no injuries. The sun can be out and shining a few minutes after it blows through, which is right there in the list of biggest mindfucks you will ever experience.
So before you do anything this morning, text 90999 to the Red Cross and drop a quick $10 on your phone bill for the relief efforts in Alabama following the genuinely surreal mile-wide tornado that cranked through Tuscaloosa yesterday evening. Everyone we know of in the immediate EDSBS family is okay, but report in just to make us feel better in the comments section and let us know anyway, since we are the Mother Hen type when it comes to these things. (Mother Hens have hip flasks, too.)
Roll Bama Roll has further information on the storm's impact across Alabama along with some truly stunning photos in the comments section. Cajun Boy at Uproxx has a very thorough and mindbending roundup. Kenny Smith passed along the most frightening video we've seen of it yet; what it lacks in scale it makes up for in very real personal terror. The storm's total death toll has risen to 194 as of a few minutes ago, and will likely climb as relief teams comb through the wreckage both in Tuscaloosa and along the full arc of the storm's path.
It's bad, and without getting high on the sentiment of someone else's tragedy, let's just take a minute for a group hug, and then get sort of awkward, and remind you that fine establishments like Egan's and other local businesses will open for business because even on the day after a tornado people need diapers, food, and beer. (Not necessarily in that order.) (But you get the point.)
SO THIS MEANS HE WILL TAKE THE OHIO STATE JOB NEXT WEEK. Pat Dooley has an entire conversation with both Urban and Shelley Meyer, who both say Urban Meyer is not going to take the Ohio State job and that he is not thinking about it as even being a possibility. (Or at least that's what Pat Dooley says they say, since the only quotes in the article don't really prevent any of this from happening.) Given this: Ohio State, please therefore welcome your imminent replacement for Jim Tressel, Urban Meyer.
IN THE HIERARCHY OF ALT-JERSEYS, THROWBACKS > BLACK HELMET. Louisville will have new home unis for this season, and if zingy stripes are wins they already have like a billion on paper before a toe has met leather in 2011. Houston will opt for throwbacks for the Marshall game on 10/22, and just looking at that font makes us want to buy a cowboy hat and eat beef brisket.
THEY'RE REALLY NOT THAT ENTHUSIASTIC, NEBRASKA. They haven't got around to changing the name of the conference, and it hasn't been right for decades, so The Big Ten is way more chill than you think, Huskers. All that extra effort won't be necessary, and may even be considered distasteful by some prominent people in the conference.
Please stop embarrassing yourselves, Nebraska. Volume is next to peasantliness.
RIP, MARCELLIS WILLIAMSON. Dead of a heart attack at 23. The recently graduated nose tackle's final Facebook status is here, and presented without comment.