We recall our five favorite moments with Janoris Jenkins, now-dismissed Florida cornerback, or anyone else you used to lose evenings with but don't talk to because really, you're only friends with certain people in certain situations.
1. That Time We Ordered PIzza. You know, that time. You'd just lit that dude up in the Florida State game, and we all went to celebrate at Chili's, and you ordered like five plates of Southwest Egg Rolls. I was like, "What's your entree gonna be?" and you were all like, "This is my entree," and we laughed way too loud. I think we just went back to the pad and I ate a box of oyster crackers and we had a debate about whether hexagonal foods were good for digestion for like an hour before you were like "What the fuck's a hexagon?" and I passed out on your couch. GOOD TIMES.
2. That Time We Watched Juice Three Times In A Row. You know, you think you remember Sam Jackson's in it, but then BAM! there he is, and you're like WHOA SAM JACKSON AND HE'S NOT DAVE CHAPPELLE. You never stopped laughing at that part, but my favorite was always Tupac killing that dude and yelling "RIVERSIDE, MOTHERFUCKER!"
And I'd yell that when we were playing Madden at your house, but your cousin started saying it and your mom wouldn't let me in the house anymore? She could have been cooler, but I wasn't going to tell you that. Wait, that may not have been your mom. Whoever she was, she can grab on these, because kids need to learn about Tupac and other realnesses such as that.
3. Going to that $5 Onyx show that got shut down. i didn't want to go because I was like, "LOL no don't wanna be awkward white guy at rap show," and you were like "whatevs just be cool it's five bucks," and we went and holy role reversal, it was all these white dudes and you because hello retro hour, and that girl Marie remember her she got like kicked in the face in the pit and was all stank about it, and you were like "Not spoiling my good time," and she was all bent and nasty about it. You said, "I'd like a girl who can get kicked in the face and have a good time, you know?" And I thought that was like the truest thing you ever said. You and your cousin still made fun of me dancing, but I was too high to care and we left after "Slam" anyway. (Way uncool to wait till the end, dickbag Onyx.)
Then we all got pepper sprayed i think, or maybe it was just really bad pollen outside or something. I can't really remember.
4. That other time we ordered pizza. When the dude showed up with extra breadsticks, and then got high with us? That was awesome. I think we played Goldeneye or something. He seemed so cool, but then the next day we couldn't find your humidifier. You were like, "Who steals a humidifier?" And I was like, "A janked-up klepto pizza man with a sinus infection?" And you were pissed so we didn't talk for a while.
5. Our trip to New Orleans. I don't really remember a lot about it, but it must have been cool, because we look really happy in the pictures except for the one where you're fighting a man with a tuba. I don't know what he did, but I'm sure he deserved it.