Les Miles dreams, or thinks he dreams. He hears words, and then remembers his mission. Find the bomber. Keep an eye on the clock. Disarm the bomb.Win the SEC. Wait, that's not one of them. It should be, though, because it's important.
Find the bomb. If you don't, everyone dies, and we'll have to do this all over again. You have five chances, or maybe fifteen. The scientists don't know, really, so don't waste them, Les.
He comes to on the train, and is looking out the window.
Miles: The bomber. Have to find the bomber. He could be anyone. She could be anyone. There's no telling. Gonna have to look. Gonna have to look fast---
Conductor: A REMINDER THAT BREAKFAST IS BEING SERVED IN THE DINING CAR ATTENTION BREAKFAST IS NOW BEING SERVED IN THE DINING CAR.
Miles: Oooh! Pancakes!
Several minutes pass. Miles returns to his seat.
Miles: Man, nothing like some banana pancakes to start the day. I like to call them 'nannercakes to save time. Leaves me with more time to eat 'nannercakes. Winners don't talk. Winners eat 'nannercakes!
So, where was I. Oh yeah, the bomber could be anywhaa--
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM [everyone dies]
Reboot. Resending agent.
Okay. Made some corrections. Did some restrategizing. Changed a few things. Keep an eye on the clock, Les! Bomber has to be somewhere on here. Got to focus.
Now, where did the explosion come...from...
Agent Miles looks out window.
Grass. So...hungry...
Fifteen minutes pass.
Aw wait a minute darnit--
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM [everyone dies]
Initializing re-reboot. Agent Miles re-reinserted.
Okay. You know, everything's fixable. We're gonna get this. We've got a damn fine team here. Lotsa good people working here. Not much time to fix this thing, but we're gonna fix this. We're too good not to, isn't that right?
Woman sitting across from Miles clutches purse, looks afraid.
That's right. Let's just get up and look around the place a bit, and--hey, Lloyd!
I'm sorry. You must have me confused with someone else.
No, that's you, Lloyd Carr! Remember when we used to coach together at Michigan? Les! Les Miles! Buzz? Ol' Pepperpants?
I do not recall any gentleman of that name. Good day.
Mr. Twinkles? Coach Moondog? Eddie Whitesnake? Not ringing a bell? The guy who drank a lava lamp after we beat the Bucks in 1990? I bled from my eyes for three days after that! But I'm a man of my word. Nothing?
A Michigan man does not joke, sir.
Hey, heyyyy come on! Is it that thing with Moeller's wife? You still sore about that? Because I--oh, jeepers. What time ya got, Lloyd?
I believe you mean to ask "What time is it presently?"
Yeah, sure, I just have this thing I gotta find and--
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM [everyone dies]
Initializing re-re-reboot. Agent Miles re-re-reinserted. Assistance Proxy Krag1N1 added for force multiplication.
All right. Not gonna dwell on mistakes. We all make 'em. Now it's time to learn from 'em. Let's get going!
Female passenger across from him really clutches purse, turns away from Miles, cowers.
That's the spirit! They told me I'd have help this time.
That's right, Les. I'm Agent Kragthorpe, and I---
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM [everyone dies]
Re-initializing sequence from Krag1N1 insertion point.
That's right, Les. I'm Agent Kragthorpe, and I---
KRAGBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM [everyone dies]
Re-re-initializing sequence from Krag1N1 insertion point.
That's right, Les. I'm Agent Kragthorpe, and I---
KRAGTHORPALYPSEBOOOOOOOOOOOOOM [everyone dies REALLY HARD THIS TIME]
Removing unstable Krag1N1 element. Note: may cause spontaneous explosions for no reason whatsoever in environment. Proceeding from re-re-re-insertion point Alpha with Agent Miles.
New day here on the train! Learning from mistakes. Not making the same ones again. Gonna stay on track and finish what we've started. Isn't that right, Lurlene?
Woman across from Miles pulls out mace. She sprays Miles for five seconds straight directly in eyes. He does not flinch.
That's the spirit! Is that spearmint? My favorite. Now, lemme see if I can just find ourselves a bomb here. Well, after Les holds the ol' tiger in the bathroom for a minute and gives back the coffee he rented. Excuse me.
Miles walks into the bathroom. A huge bomb sits on top of the toilet.
Well, I'll be. Let's just get you away from the innocent people on this train and out where you won't hurt anyone.
Miles opens the bathroom window and heaves the black medicine ball-sized bomb out the window. Its fuse hisses in the air as it flies away from the train.
Dooley: OH COME ON NOW REALLY THIS IS JUST---
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM [Derek Dooley dies]
'NANNERCAKE TIME!
Miles claps.
FIN
Loading comments...