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Fundraiser update forthcoming. Michigan and Alabama making dramatic late pushes.

DEATH, SEASON TICKETS, AND TODAY. Happy social contract reminder day!

You say "Taxman" by the Beatles, but a busted millionaire getting drunk with a drydocked yacht in his backyard has way more style. (Johnny Paycheck's "Me and the IRS" has a certain panache, too, but he's also the man who sang "Pardon Me, I've Got Someone To Kill." It should.)

VANDERBILT FOOTBALL GETS SAVAGE. NO REALLY THIS IS HOW YOU TRAIN KILLERS. Dodgeball remains the most savage sport ever devised, a game of sadism cloaked as childhood fun, a molder of men who later crush the world with their hands, hands attached to an arm attached to a body running without a beating human heart because it was replaced by pure rage in a game of third grade dodgeball. This may sound bad. It's not. We fucking LOVE dodgeball as the wolf respects the hunter who respects the wolf. 

Vandy spent a day playing it in their decompression activity for the spring, and did it properly because at 2:30 OL Coach Herb Hand takes one straight in the face (with replay) and at 3:10 QB coach Ricky Rahne takes what appears to be a very deliberate and accurate shot to the nuts. Vandy football: NOW WITH BLOODLUST. (Bubbaprog has kindly put both of these in gif form to enjoy after the jump. He is wonderful like that, and you should return the favor by perusing MockSession and angering your employers.)

A COMPLETE REVAMP! Penn State is bustin' loose with a radical new redesign! It looks awesomeballs! We're sorry, that's the Barcelona Dragons, a now defunct World League team that has always occupied a strange but persistently reserved spot in our sporting hearts. Penn State's redesign is not really a redesign so much as a series of half-tweaks to a uniform that will change when Joe Paterno turns into a woman and begins wandering the earth to understand the full scope of the human experience.

A LOT OF YOU COULD OUTLIFT THE FRESHMAN SEANTREL HENDERSON. He has to have gotten stronger, but if bloggers and readers are right at your test weights for strength training, you've got some work to do, young man.

YOUUUUUUUUU (ARE SECONDS FROM BEING STRANGLED BY JERRY KILL): Just let Jerry Kill design the shirts next time. They'll just be a Gopher holding a severed human head in his hand (paw? what the fuck does a gopher have on the end of its arms?) but they'll be better than this.

"RAMGOD RECONCEIVED AS A THUNDERCAT DRAWN BY TOM OF FINLAND." That is a quality high school mascot, young recruit. Obey his sexy gay orders at all times! (Link and description by Brian.)