The following is a paid advertisement.
Have you seen Justified yet? If so, start tonight with another exciting chapter of the Elmore Leonard-inspired crime drama about a Federal Marshal, the woman he loves, and the hardscrabble Kentucky life that corrupts everything around them--including themselves, if they're not careful!
Action? We've got it. People get shot in the head all this time. In fact, if headshots were worth seventeen dollars each, the state of Kentucky would triple their state child welfare budget with the dividends paid by Justified's Headshot Compensation Fund overnight. People are also stabbed, slapped, maimed in familial redneck punishments, shot again, hit with cars, punched, kicked, and even blown to pieces with blasting caps stolen from coal mines. Oh, and black lung! We haven't even begun to discuss all the black lung this marvelous show has.
Witty banter? You bet!
Attractive people? You're damn right. In fact, Timothy Olyphant, the leanest piece of wiry man-jerky to strut across your screen since a young Scott Glenn slapped around Deborah Winger in Urban Cowboy, must by California state law appear shirtless in every episode in order to activate your wife's salivary glands. Don't cut out carbs: it will only make Timothy Olyphant thinner and more attractive. Famous people have superpowers you can't possibly understand.
It's not all for the sausage party, though. HAY-LOOOO NATALIE ZEA, the perfect embodiment of slightly birdlike pageant hot with just the right amount of wear and tear on it. It gets even better now with the addition of Rebecca Creskoff, who is already palm-sweat hot and that's before they make her into an evil coal company spankee employee! Employee! She's naked all over the internet from that time she test-drove Thomas Jane's Dodge Challenge-her on Hung. It's probably not something you could look at while working, but save it for tonight. Perhaps around 10:00 p.m. EST, perhaps? That hour is the best hour to look at naked people on the internet. It's science.
Speaking of, and this is the most important thing: YOU MUST TUNE IN BETWEEN TEN AND ELEVEN P.M. TONIGHT. This is crucial! Only between TEN AND ELEVEN P.M. EST! There is NOTHING ELSE ON BETWEEN THOSE TIMES! At least, nothing worth watching that isn't the most exciting and well-crafted drama on television. They get stuck in coal country tonight! Hoo-wee, maybe Raylan will finally shoot someone, and
do so in an hour WHEN LITERALLY THERE IS NOTHING ELSE ON, MOST ESPECIALLY NOT ON THOSE WASTEFUL AND EXTREMELY BIASED PREMIUM CHANNELS.
Justified fever: Go "All-In," and do it tonight!
This message is paid for by the Auburn Athletic Department and Under Armour.
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