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Jerry Kill has Minnesota under his watchful eye.
Jerry Kill has Minnesota under his watchful eye.

Jerry Kill by name simply had to be a football coach, Senator, or priest, or any other job where you end up referred to by a title. It's too much fun to refer to him as "Coach Kill," sure, but "President Kill" or "District Sub-Manager Kill" also have an unmistakable tang to them. It also helps that he looks like a pissed off drill sergeant, complete with ruddy complexion like he's seconds away from detonating in your vicinity and mustache-equipped for your masculine safety.

The drill sergeant thing happens to be pretty accurate, since Kill sounds and looks like a proper son of a bitch when confronted with the immense task of overcoming years of the creeping bacterial infection known as "Tim Brewster." 

Kill made an example of cornerback Michael Carter for an undisclosed reason, making him sit out practice to do a strenuous workout while wearing a shirt that said, "I let my teammates down" and "Minnesota Lophers."

Kind of feel like we should be wearing that "I let my teammates down" t-shirt around as the next new ironic sports hipster meme. Further details have Carter pushing and pulling a sled like Sisyphus in Flatland for the rest of the practice, Kill getting nailed in the head by a football, and everything going fast fast fast fast fast. SBN Minnesota, after reading this piece, typed what may be the saddest and funniest thing ever typed about Minnesota football.

I have goosebumps writing this, I swear I do.  I've never...ever...ever...been excited about Minnesota football.

Not even when Tim Brewster mounted a giant 'M' to the ceiling of the locker room? And it fell off and trapped him for two months of the 2009 season, and the team actually played better after it refused to pull him out from the M, and instead kept him alive with spare bottles of Powerade and training table leftovers just to see what would happen? Play4Brew, the amazing website which was probably the most successful element of the Tim Brewster coaching era, now redirects to "," which some Miami alumni just fell off their chair reading.