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MOMENTS IN EXTREME COMPETENCE: CHRIS JESSIE TOUCHES A BALL INAPPROPRIATELY

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Kurt Vonnegut, on his main objection to life:

That is my principal objection to life, I think: It's too easy, when alive, to make perfectly horrible mistakes.

Entirely true. For some can be really bad things: accidentally killing someone, dropping expensive heavy machinery, or losing track of your math and signing 75 people to a single recruiting class. It happens, just like the time we decided to keep the back long and the front short in an act of defiance of a parental haircut order and ended up with a mullet so fierce people from Tampa complimented us on it. People from 1990s Tampa, mind you, liked this haircut. Terrible things: they happen. 

So we hope Chris Jessie, we hope you've taken this lesson to heart, even though we know you still think about this and want to rip your heart out of your own chest when you watch it. <----As opposed to ripping your heart out of someone else's chest, a move that is totally justified because you need that sonofabitch back, dammit.

Thankfully for Jessie the touchdown that brainfart-spawned unsportsmanlike penalty  was largely forgotten as Texas amassed 52 points and killed what was left of Rudy Carpenter's soul and body with four sacks and innumerable hurries and hits. Should we all be so lucky as to be bailed out of tragic situations by Dennis Erickson (us, in Miami twice with cash, thanks D.E.! The shipment arrives on Friday at the border. Meet us there with weapons and cash.)