clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

WE SALUTE YOU, CARL JOHNSON

New, 138 comments

We would ask "OMG, how did we miss this?" but the answer would not be flattering. "You were staring at the ceiling thinking about dust motes, or following a rabbit hole through Wikipedia till you somehow ended up on Russ Meyer's Wiki entry, or watching that marching band documentary pitch on Kickstarter again, or maybe finishing the touches on that Carl Johnson statue made of solid butter."

We didn't even know why we were making a Carl Johnson statue two weeks ago, but it turns out the hands were doing what the soul already understood was necessary without the brain fully knowing. Why do we now have a three foot tall statue of Carl Johnson made of aging butter in our refrigerator? Oh, no particular reason.

Florida OT Carl Johnson produced the worst score among this draft class, registering a 6, and Oklahoma State RB Kendall Hunter was the only other athlete to record a single digit, scoring a 9.

We should mention that we made the butter statue of Carl Johnson in the pose of Carl Johnson eating his own hand because he thinks it's tasty. Art truly can be a portal to a magical land of undiscovered truth sometimes. AJ Green got the lowest for wide receivers with a 10, Patrick Peterson got a 9, and based on this huge sample size we'll assume being horrible at IQ tests makes you really good at football.*

*It did come out late on a Friday night, just like all bad news.