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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 3/2/2011

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APOLOGIES, BUT ONE MORE FOR THE ROAD, PLEASE. Freek really, really liked the Nick Saban statue, and with good reason: it allowed for erotic Finebaum giffery.

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Ohhhh...myyyyyyyyyy looooooove....my daaaaarrrling....PAAAWWWWWWWWWLLLL I seen you in your undies makin' a Nick Saban statue and I wanna say it was THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THANG I'VE EVER SEEN.

CLEAR THE DECKS BECAUSE COWHERD IS NEVER WRONG. According to Colin Cowherd and no one, a major program is going to be given the Rochambeau'd by the NCAA for [UNTOLD HORRORS.] This story is being half-reported by influential media members like Colin Cowherd and one other guy! Given the consistency with which the NCAA has behaved in the past two years, the possibility of them being right totally exists, and goddamn that hurts to admit, but when you're betting on prison shithouse rat races like NCAA investigations, anything can happen.

YES, THIS WILL COUNT. Eric Smith of Auburn was arrested for domestic violence prior to his dismissal from Auburn, so this will count in the Fulmer Cupdate coming later today.

MIGHT HAVE TO WAKE UP THE EPIC UNC INVESTIGATION THREAD. Subpoena, away. Awaiting detonation, sir.

HEAL UP, RABID BEAVER. A speedy recovery to one of college football's least appreciated dervishes, James Rodgers, after knee surgery.  Rodgers has a hardship waiver and is eligible for 2011, but this is the second procedure on the knee, and thus ominous cellos and rumblings from the orchestra pit.

NON-EXISTENT UNIVERSITY REPORTS NEW IMAGINARY PRACTICE SCHEDULE. This team does not exist, and its practices, which will be spread out over several weeks this spring, will not happen because they involve imaginary people at an imaginary school This is a running gag, and it will continue running until its legs fall off.