clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:


It's like Englishman day around here or something for no particular reason.

We apologize for missing this on Friday, but things got busy. We had to pick up the kid, and then there was the matter of packing for our trip to Austin, and then there was dinner and getting there on time because we had a reservation, and oh yeah, Auburn destroyed the Fulmer Cup competition by setting a record for total points scored with a robbery that, even if charges get dismissed, reduced, or otherwise lessened, likely cinches the race for them for the year.

So we have a bit of an excuse for missing Michigan State's amusing escapades in Aspen, the least likely place in the universe to find Michigan State football players brawling ever, but it was the Week of the Unprecedented in the Fulmer Cup. Max Bullough and Brian Linthicum really shouldn't have been prosecuted for the initial offense, since it is the most American of things one can do. 

SPEN — Two Michigan State University football players were arrested early Thursday morning following an alleged fight at a downtown Aspen bar where police say one of them punched an Englishman.

Again: we're sorry, we thought this country was founded on punching Englishmen for crowding our space, but whatever, out-of-touch Aspenites. Bullough surrendered to police after a brief chase and was charged with eluding a police officer and being a minor in possession of alcohol. Linthicum, whose name really sounds like an inept clerk's translation of the name of a Huguenot with a lisp, chose to ride the lightning and was tased by Aspen police. ("The most expensive and prestigious tasings in the Rockies!")

Linthicum would be charged with third-degree assault and eluding police, but let's applaud the Spartans here for a few things. They displayed more fight in an Aspen bar than they did in the entirety of their Capital One Bowl apperance against Alabama, a sign they've recovered from several high profile debacles in an other wise successful 2010 season. They eluded police for a while, defying the Big Ten's unfortunate stereotype of being slow and easily caught. Finally, they elicited the use of the term "Englishman" in newsprint, something we thought had died a sad death sometime in the 1930s.

For doing all three of these things, they receive no points in the Fulmer Cup, but do get our respect.* For the Fulmer Cup, the four misdemeanors at one point a piece pile up four points without the bonus for tasing, meaning the Spartans tally five points in the Fulmer Cup standings. Cheers, Sparty.

*Cash value: $HAHAHAHA.95 .