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Now, I leeeeyuve in Savannah, yawwwll, and I have to tail yuuuuuu, we're just craayyyzay over the Dawgs down heeeeyah. But this weeeeyuk, I heard something I just couldn't belieeeeve.

But the team also instituted a rigid nutrition program. How strict is it? During the week, players are told to send in photos of three meals per day and can only eat once it’s approved. It’s similar to when the staff does class attendance checks.

Now, I just think that's DOGGONE CRAZY AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAAA. How are they gonna play without fried cheeeecken coursing through their vaaaains?  Fried cheeeeckin has made football players strawng for years! Why, the whole Arkansas Razorback wide receiving core ate my Butter-Fried Butter Chicken with Injectable Fried Giblet Butter Nodule Nuglets Niblets before the Sugar Bawl, and they almost won that gaayyyme.

Butter-Fried Butter Chicken with Injectable Fried Giblet Butter Nodule Nuglets Niblets

17 whole chickens

18 pounds butter

23 bags of potato chips for batter-makin'



Deep-fryer made from above-ground swimming pool.

Caulking gun with hypodermic needle attachment

Directions: inject all chickens with butter until butter-sweatt level is reached. Crush potato cheeeyyyups. (I like to do mine by throwing them through the back fan of an airboat, but running them over with a car or ATV will do.) Layer chickens in butter and cheeeeyups until each cheeckun is roughly the circumference of a basketbawl. Use basketbawl for comparison, and then deep-fry basketbawl along with cheeckin bawls. Sawwwlt and pepurr to tayste.


So like I was sayinn, I just cain't imagine this workin'. This is why on todaaay's show I'm gonna fiyux some of the tastiest recipes I cayun for these poor boys who have to send in all their meals. No hot wiiiyungs? YOU CAIN'T TAKE AWAY THE CRIPSYMEATZ FROM THE BOYS, COACH REEEEYUCHT! IT AIN'T RAAAIGHT!

Here we go!


Mmm, mmm, mmmm, mmmm, mmmmm, mmm, MMMMMM. Flash-fried yellajacket in baaaaycun. You gotta cut the staingers out, which I feed to my huzzzbund. He loves 'em! Ain't that right, Cap'n?


Cap'n Dropsy McGuffins-Deen: Aye, Maizy! [FALLS OFF BOAT INTO ALLIGATOR'S MOUTH]

Deen: Woo, that mayun of miiiiine! You're gonna love our neyyyyuxt deeeeyush, because eeeyut's fried! You take a pound of buttur, three fried piyyyug nayvels, and add in a half pound of marzipan, sculpt it with a butter knaaaiiiife, and voila! 



They're ineyyduble and cause severe gastric torsion, but they make a beautiful centerpiece for your table or taiiiyulgate. They keep for about three months in the freezer, which miiight be lawnger than the actual UGA dawg, bless his heart. 

Finally, for the dessert, I've got a spayshul suprise for all. AY'VE TURNT THE YOUGEEAYYY SWIMMIN' POOL INTO A GIGANTIC BUTTUR FRAIYUR!!!! We're gonna drop cheesecakes in it from the divin' board until