Reader Scott sends in this form, the DD-2535 or as we like to call it, "Your ticket to the Temple of Boom." It is the DOD's official request form for a flyover from any or all of the armed services, and is presumably what Jerry Jones and/or the NFL had someone fill out for the Super Bowl's flyover, the one that went over a closed roof on the JerryDome and was seen by the eyes of exactly zero spectators.
Since Magnus Warhammer Swindle's upcoming birthday is going to have infinitely more people than the zero who watched the Super Bowl's flyover in person, we thought we'd submit our own request for a flyover. What we want is simple: at the cost of no less than $475,000 or so of what is arguably our hard-earned taxpayer money anyway, we want five F-22 Raptors to buzz the house and surrounding trees in the middle of downtown Atlanta at somewhere around 150 feet or so off the ground at 500 miles per hour or so.
We filled out the paperwork and everything, but to review a few areas that may require some clarification.
We'd love to be more flexible, but our son will accept no substitutes, and requires an F-22 and no other plane. He's only a year old, and has definite preferences here. Don't you dare send F-18s over. You'll betray our trust and make us look like a liar in front of our son and ruin his life forever. Also, it has to be that day and no other, cause we're pretty busy unlike you military guys with your pushups and endless shirtless sandlot volleyball games.
We're saying it's cool and that air traffic control doesn't need to be involved in this. If you think this is a problem, we suggest you talk to Mr. Lincoln THAT MEANS I TAPED A FIVE DOLLAR BILL TO THE BACK OF THE FORM HINT IT'S YOURS.
We respect the federal government's need to be inclusive and respectful of all, but we're not inviting just anyone to this party. How much dip and beer do you think we have? We're also not filling out any reports, because we just looked down and didn't see a name tag that said "Your Secretary," thank you very much.
Here is our personal information. It is all valid and in no way faked. Our organization's aviation coordinator has many years of piloting experience.
If you need further information on the exact planning of the event, please consult section V.
As for the government requests regarding fuel costs and the provision of medical personnel on site, please see our answers below.
GONNA BE THE BEST FIRST BIRTHDAY PARTY EVERRRRRRRR!!!! Thanks, government. Sincerely, us.