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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 2/25/2011

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IT'S FRIDAY. YOU DON'T KNOW ME BUT YOU DON'T LIKE ME. Ring in the weekend with drinks at lunch and unceasing through the afternoon, and glory in the finest first line of any chorus in country music, "You don't know me, but you don't like me."

Kinda miss the days when you had to wear a uniform in the United States to do anything, since the uniform for country singers was shit like this that Buck wore to perform. It kept everyone's roles clear, you know: "Oh, whew, without that rhinestone Nudie Suit I'd have thought you were a singing bellhop, and not a country singer, and we simply couldn't have singing bellhops."

AU REVOIR, JACK CRISTIL. If Miss State had the pull Alabama or Florida had we'd be doing panegyrics to the man and opining about the loss of the last of the SEC's veteran radio men, but since it's Miss State Jack Cristil's going to call one more game and simply retire with little fanfare outside the greater Starkville era. If you had to sum up his announcing style in one word, it would be "1963," the year he joined Mississippi State as their play-by-play guy. We repeat: he joined Mississippi State while JFK was alive and your grandfather was rocking Sansabelt pants and drinking a canned beer out by the grill and thinking it was dead sexy. He and Larry Munson plan on staring at each other grimly and seeing who can outlast the other and win the Secret Ancient SEC Announcers Tontine. Our money's on Cristil.

CORRECTION: Cristil has been calling games since 1953, not '63. Good Lord that's some endurance. (HT: NT)

QUOTING IRRESPONSIBLE, VENAL BLOGGERS. Will Hill is looking good in his prep for the combine, and that's great and we hope he makes a billion dollars, and his Twitter account still wasn't hacked according to sketchy, irresponsible blogger.

OHIO STATE SIGNS CHRIS CARTER, AND THE H IS FOR HARDLY ANY EVIDENCE. Not Cris Carter, but Chris Carter, and there's a bit of difference in that one is a retired NFLer who formed half of the world's worst mentor/mentee relationship ever with Randy Moss, and the other is an 18 year old lineman from Cleveland the Buckeyes just signed late due to some legal hassles re: a sexual imposition case. With charges dropped due to lack of evidence, he's on the team now and bound for Columbus, where he will not, repeat NOT work in a women's clothing shop.

WOOOOHOOO OFF THE HOOK. All of Florida's former assistants now have jobs. This includes Steve Addazio, proving that you only need to hold one job of import in your life to hold five more that can get you to retirement. (Doing it well isn't really even a question--just get it, and then watch the title earn dollars for you.) The good news for Florida is they're all off the hook financially, and Jeremy Foley can now hire that on-staff assassin he's wanted for years. (Watch your ass, Jeremy Fowler. Vengeance is slow but final.)

ANDREW LUCK IS INSURED TO THE GILLS. For five million bucks, to be precise.

BOW IN THE DIRECTION OF BATON ROUGE. LSU beat Alabama this past week in the in SEC bassfishing tournament, something we promised LSU Joshua we'd mention if only to point out those hellacious fishing jerseys.