Oh, let's go in on that and the opening today of the new Butts-Mehre Athletics Center at UGA.
- Amazing "Designated Driver" available for any employee on request.
- A man holding a stick standing next to a tank with a live alligator in it. He has instructions to beat this alligator at least once every seven years.
- Changed name of the place to Butt-Smear Center. Just daring you to say some shit.
- Innovative "Garbage Can" technology the University hopes to spread to rest of state. (Target date for universal use: 2093.)
- Grocery store inside sells cash and carry liquor, wine, and beer on Sundays.
- Massive mound of PCP on display in lobby. (Bequeathed by Estate of James Brown.)
- John Isner at gunpoint hitting tennis balls against back wall of building forever.
- "Matt Stafford's Magic Futon" Exhibit, funded by the Grope Scholarship and Trojan Condoms.
- Sentient computer controlling all building functions speaks in voice of Larry Munson, and often makes racy comments to ladies on their way out of the restroom.
- Amazing new "weight room" with "bar-bells" and "weight-controlling vibro-belts."
- A basketball court, though no one's sure why.
- An original arcade edition of "Don Leeburn's Punch-Out."
- Red panty vending machine in lobby.
- Tiny note at bottom of deed that reads "Lienholder: Steven Orr Spurrier."