FLORIDA PEST CONTROL 60, TERMITES ZERO, RETURN ON INVESTMENT FOR COACHING ENDORSEMENT, EXTREMELY TEMPORARY. If you hate Urban Meyer, at least give him the credit he deserves for ceasing his war on quality coaching endorsements in local advertising. His reign of terror began with the Florida Orange Juice ads in 2005, and continued uninterrupted through the second half of the aughts until his merciful death as a coaching salesperson in 2011.
This may be his last recorded work. Let us pray we unearth no others.
We're sorry you had to see that, but it's important that future generations see this to avoid the mistakes of their forebears.
IT'S A SPRAIN OH GIMME DA SPRAY. That three overpaid medics did not come out immediately and revive Aaron Murray's sprained ankle with magic spray is proof that Georgia is not a professional European football team. Anyone who watches their fair share knows that the magic spray is all you need to recover from a major soccer injury, often reviving an apparently dead man in a matter of seconds. When Italians have heart attacks, it's often applied directly to the chest and works in half the time. This is really all a roundabout way of saying that Aaron Murray's ankle is fine, and that if your national soccer team is not named Spain and has a coastline bordering the Mediterranean, you play an abominable, despicable form of the game and should be ejected from international competition forever based on style alone.*
*You too, Portugal.
CASUAL HOLGO IS CASUAL. Holgorsen gets the long-form treatment by Bruce Feldman, and for some reason we just imagined this takes place not in a classroom, but instead out in the middle of the desert at some abandoned former mining town Holgo has tricked out for the weekend with kegs of beer, some cots, a whiteboard, and a pack of wolves just for effect.
THAT'S TOO BAD YOU CAN'T AFFORD HERMES, BUT THE CHEMISTRY DEPARTMENT ISN'T EXACTLY FILLING THE SEATS, NOW ARE THEY? Tuberville is going to have to deal with some rancor on the part of Texas Tech staff, who are "complaining like mad bitches" about the "mad baller $500K raise" he just got in the midst of University budget-cutting across the board. Sounds like "jelly haterz" to us. [via h8terade]
"If that was me, I would have turned it down," said Julian Spallholz, a faculty senator and human sciences professor. "I would have been embarrassed (to accept the raise)."
Pfffft. You'd take that shit, a fetching graduate assistant, and go to your "research center" in Costa Rica for the duration until your tenure got you to retirement. You'd be researching "tidal patterns," and "ass."
THE NCAA WANTS TO KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS PROCESS OF RECRUITING LOLOLOLOLOLOL. The NCAA isn't sure about recruiting, and has heard of it, and definitely wants to know more. This should be funnier than a 45 year old narc at a high school asking about "where he can score some white horse, homeslices."
PODCASTS WORTH YOUR LISTENING TIME. In the Bleachers interviews Steven Salzburg, who hates America and wants football out of universities; the Solid Verbal has Kirk Bohls on to help them figure out what the fuck happened in Texas in 2010.
LET'S MAKE SOME FRIENDS. Hutchins is dripping out his top 25, and Auburn is at 25, and that should make for some fun comments, shouldn't it?