Son's got pinkeye, wife has meetings, and the Index is just barely up before eleven. ADULTHOOD, Y'ALL.
A DAY EARLY BUT WHY NOT. This is Presidents Day, and though his birthday's technically not tomorrow, there's only one big brawling, Canadian-fighting state named after big George, and it is the one who whipped ass in an improbable victory over Nebraska in the Holiday Bowl. How does one enjoy me at this current moment, sirrahs?
You want to know why Nebraska quietly asphyxiated their offensive coaching staff this offseason, just look at their offensive stats from the Holiday Bowl or any other game in the second half of the season. We mean this literally: Bo Pelini wrapped his hands around their necks and killed them himself.
THAT'S THE LOOK OF ALABAMIAN CONTRITION. One finger in the air, if you don't really care, and it's apparent that Harvey Updyke simply doesn't, and it's like that sometimes, I mean ridiculous, or "Alabama," and now we're just back to the theme of "So Appalled" in the first place, aren't we?
IN POSITIVE NEWS: Florida linebacker Neiron Ball, hospitalized after a blood vessel burst in his brain last week, is out of the hospital and doing well. Now to the Hallmark Store to find the perfect "I'm really glad you didn't die" card.
DEFINE "IMAGE", PLZ. Alabama has denied any recruiting violations in showing Barry Sanders, Jr, son of an obscure NFL running back, on screen with Nick Saban at an Alabama basketball game. Presumably Saban took Sanders to an Alabama basketball game to show the young man the quiet, contemplative side of the Alabama campus. "Sometimes I come here to record new ideas on my guitar, which I share with my good friend John Tesh. The silence just makes everything ring."*
*Oh, hush. You don't give a goddamn about basketball and neither does anyone in the SEC besides Kentucky and Vandy basketball fans, and they're weird as hell.
TACKLES MADE BY NUMBERS 44 AND 44. It is the offseason, which is why you get articles on duplicate numbers, a problem that seems easy enough to solve if you start involving more interesting mathematical symbols in rosters. "Son, if you come to the University of Florida, I guarantee you'll run out of the tunnel with π on your back."
RIP, OLLIE MATSON. A pioneer in pre-civil rights era football, Matson once recalled a game he played against Tulsa for the University of San Francisco:
Matson recalled a game against the University of Tulsa, which wanted San Francisco to leave its black players home. "I got hit with everything: fists, elbows, knees," he told The Saturday Evening Post in 1966. "Finished that game with two black eyes, a bloody nose and my face puffed up like a pound cake. I scored three touchdowns, and they were all called back."
Matson, a badass among badasses on the 9-0 1951 USF team that did not get an invite to a bowl game, died at his home in LA of respiratory failure on Saturday at the age of 80.