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COACHES MARYLAND WANTED BEFORE THEY HIRED RANDY EDSALL

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The list of candidates Maryland wanted instead of Randy Edsall provided in the Baltimore Sun was, on further investigation, somewhat incomplete. The full list of Maryland's coaching candidates follows. Candidate Gamera was unavailable for comment.

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1. Chris Petersen

2. Gus Malzahn

3. Mike Leach 

4. Rich Rodriguez

5. June Jones

6. Rich Kotite

7. Pat Summitt

8. Lane Kiffin

9. Willow Smith

10. Hayden Fox

11. Celebrated racehorse Zenyatta

12. 70 foot tall Under Armour Spokesperson Eric Ogbogu

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13. Gamera

14. Longtime Fox assistant Luther Van Damme

15. Jon Gruden

16. A guy from a car detailing shop in Bethesda who really looks and sounds a lot like Jon Gruden.

17. A 2002 cardboard cutout of Jon Gruden.

18. Coach Ace Bricka

19.  A copy of Bill Walsh College Football 1994 for Sega Genesis

20. Ralph Friedgen

21. A charismatic sculpture made from stolen traffic barrels.

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22. Jose Mourinho

23. Puppet Jose Mourinho

24. John Mackovic

25. Ed Orgeron

26. Mike Locksley. No, really. SCHADBOMB: 

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27. Carl Franks

28. Roy Goff. (Typo, totally different guy, interviewed him anyway.)

29. Tom O'Brien.

30. A nice springer spaniel named Chip who really likes to chase footballs. 

31. Coach John McGuirk

32. A bucket of Ruffin McNeill's Ass-Belly Sweat

33. Noted inner city recruiter Avon Barksdale

34. Noted imposter "Houston Not"*

35. Ray Lewis, but only on his laser space raven.

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36. Randy Edsall.

 

*Is actually Houston Nutt