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PLEASE DON'T GIVE COLLEGE PLAYERS ANYTHING UNLESS IT IS IN A BAG

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So this day kind of got out of hand fast, and we blame Mike Leach for it since he's back and unleashing chaos by letting deer eat right out of his hand in front of the Washington State media. Aww, look, the birds land right on his shoulder! Foxes aren't even afraid of him! Did he just pet a squirrel? WE THOUGHT THAT WAS THEORETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE. We told you this would be great guys. (The deer may be reporters here.)

So with Leach in place and already cracking relevant historical jokes, let's review today's slaughter/happenings with a rare roundup. It's like a second Index, but more awake and stuff!

THE BIG EAST WILL BE OFFICIALLY BIGGER AND LESS EASTERLY. So the Big East will announce on Wednesday the long-suspected plan to add five teams making them significantly larger and much less Oriental. (The Grand Oriental conference would have been such a better name.) Brett McMurphy reported this first, and was later sampled without his permission by D.J. Sources on ESPN. The map looks fantastic, but it needs a name. We hereby propose "The Greater Occidental Conference." It makes no more or less sense than Big East at this point.

IN SPANISH THEY CALL HIM LORENZO SOMBRERO. Larry Fedora is something less than UNC's coach and something more than just a candidate. That's all we know right now, and he may also involved in the TAMU coaching search, and the one definite known is that Larry Fedora is getting bank somewhere to score a zillion points a game and wave dismissively at his defensive coordinator. (And that this will be outdated the minute we post it.)

SEC, DOWN ONE MUSTACHE. Arkansas' Willy Robinson is gone as Arkansas attempts to 'bow up defensively in SEC West. The SEC will be poorer for the lack of his mustache and his fondness for the Talking Heads.

NUMERICAL! Schnelly deserved better than 148 yards, FAU.