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"So I needed a trophy. And I thought, 'Who better to make my trophy than legendary conceptual artist HR Giger?' Naturally, right? So I called him, and I said, 'hey, I need a trophy, man!' Turns out he's super cool, and was down to do the whole thing...or so I thought."

"Turns out ol' HR is a little chere for the Insight Bowl's budget, right? And halfway through, he's like 'I'll need another twenty grand to finish the sculpture, especially if you want the alien penis-heads done right. And this suddenly isn't sounding cool for like, so many reasons now."

"So HR sends this hunk of metal and it''s not exactly a butt-plug. A guy I know in Phoenix polished it up and now it's more like this glorified prostate massager with a jacked-up backscratcher for arms. Only cost me my job and $15,000 dollars. I hate bowl season."