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St. Pete! It's got a dog track!

It's hard to get up for Marshall vs. FIU not because of the lackluster bowl, or the setting, or even Mike Patrick silently mourning his lost broadcast partner and fellow deranged hobo-hunter, Craig James. No, excitement is scarce beneath the queasy green lights of the Tropicana Dome because this is Marshall and Florida International AND all of those other things, and don't forget it.

Florida International gets into this game after a magnificent reconstruction project completed by Mario Cristobal, and congratulations! If they win, Cristobal may be hired as Pitt's coach, leaving them plummeting back into the dark jungles of the Sun Belt. If Marshall wins, they get above .500 and get to go back to the hotel, change, and then go out to Ybor City. If they lose, they get to go back to the hotel and go out to Ybor City.

No one has any reason to win this game, but thank goodness life revolves around incentives no one really understands. Sadly, the owner of MagicJack is too busy abusing his employees to sponsor a bowl game, so Tampa's own Beef O'Brady's has stepped in (along with ESPN, who owns this game) to provide you with the only piece of original programming on television tonight not involved in the Storage Hunters series. By the way, if you are involved with Storage Hunters, thank you for egging on our eventual apocalypse by giving us another sign of a just and swift end to our species.

Listen here, or in the player below.