WELL BRENT JUST DOES IT AGAIN!!! A week after Brent warned of a powerful LIVERS ON FIRE double play on Hitchens and Kim Jong-Il, the man from Montana delivers your DEAD SOLID PERFECT EXACTA of the week. Hitchens was the pick to click (See Brent's "Cancer Dancer" principle--always a winner!)
But Kim Jong-Il was the surprise, with many bettors neglecting to notice the increasing mentions of Kim Jong-un in the media. Do other dead pool newsletters keep a keen eye on KCNA? ONLY BRENT DOES. Value in every page! Encourage your friends to subscribe to Brent's DEAD SOLID PERFECTS! The perfect Christmas Gift comes with A FREE MONTH and one commemorative FAWCETT/JACKSON/MCMAHON COMMEMORATIVE CAP to celebrate Brent's amazing call on 2009's most impressive celebrity trifecta.*
*Brent called this while texting from wagering at an Idaho Jet Boat Racing Finals race! The man sleeps when the winning stops, and he hasn't slept in 14 years and counting! YOU'RE LOOKING LIVE AT MAKING OUR FRIENDS IN THE DESERT POOR, MY FRIENDS!
So what's Brent got in store for this week? Well, besides winning? Let's start with more of Brent's Geopolitical Reaper Specials as we review...
1. ANGELA MERKEL: INVEST. For a lady who's into autoerotic asphyxiation, she's shown a lot of durability. Brent credits it to her stout neck and general fortitude. By the way, more free advice for subscribers! That's how you can tell if a belt is genuine leather or not - if Merkel's neck snaps it, you've been duped.
2. IGOR SMIRNOV: SELL. The former Soviet microrepublics have been a boon--thanks, Vladimir Putin--and if Igor Smirnov of Transnistria makes it to next August without "falling in his home" or "ingesting radioactive tea," Brent will refund the difference between current valuation and the eventual finish payout AT NO CHARGE.
Also, Brent's free tips: world leaders who wear short sleeves and are not recognized by the UN die at THREE TIMES THE RATE of other world leaders and figures.
SELL: JIM GROBE. A little birdie told us he has been dead FOR THREE YEARS NOW. Get on the ground floor and see your dividends NOW before the crowd ruins the fun!
But wait! There's just OH SO MUCH MORE!!!
1. BASHAR AL-ASSAD/TOM SIZEMORE: BUY, BUY, BUY! Invest now in the exacta for this DAMASCUS/DEXEDRINE DOUBLE, and we'll happily pay double on all those who bet against Brent's wager that this pair beats the odds and delivers UNREAL PAYOFFS for living not only past 2012, but deep into 2013! GROUND FLOOR DOOR'S OPEN AND YOU'RE LETTING FLIES IN HURRY UP!!!
2. [UGA MASCOT TO BE NAMED] AND JIANG ZEMIN: SELL, SELL, SELL. Others fear picking against ancient Chinese politburo leaders, and with good reason: those guys totter along for DECADES before heading to the cashout window. But Brent's got a hot lead from a dainty dimepiece in Beijing, and from what he's hearing there's a loose brick just waiting to fall out of that Great Wall they have over there. Double up on some insurance with the next UGA mascot, and double down for a 2013 Chinese New Year to remember. Brent's calling cash dumplings for dinner, guys!
Quick picks Brent sees coming in the next year! Get Brent's 364 EMERALD CLUB LOCKDOWNS LETTER for POWER SUBSCRIBERS now, and see the future in death futures LIKE THE HOSPICE CAT OF THE HIGH SIERRA, BRENT MUSBURGER HIMSELF.
1. Cambodian Prime Minister Hun Sen: buy. If Cambodia can't kill you, what can?
2. Henry Kissinger. Headed to the afterlife just to troll Christopher Hitchens? YOU BET HE IS.
3. Roman Polanski. Betting a streak of midget perverts? JUST THE THING BRENT MAKES HIS MONEY DOING. The trend of two starts NOW.
4. John Brantley: BUY. Not dead after 2011? Won't be dead for a century, then.
5. Robert Collins, Jr.: SELL. OR, as you better know him, Todd Graham's body double, who still hasn't found out about the move and is strolling around Pittsburgh wearing Panthers gear and offering high-fives.
6. [OFFICIAL, NATIONAL TITLE GAME.] Who'll pay the price when Nick Saban doesn't fully agree with the officials allowing LSU to distract Bama defenders on a title-winning fake field goal by unleashing sacks of live rabbits onto the field? Some unlucky official whose strangulation on-camera could yield you some valuable cash to pay off those holiday bills.
Until next week, KEEP GRINNING AND WINNING, DEATH POOLERS.
--Brent "SLAB MONEY" Musburger