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Sparky's hands and toes are glued to this door, and will stay there until ASU finds a new coach.
Sparky's hands and toes are glued to this door, and will stay there until ASU finds a new coach.

Arizona State still has no head coach after firing Dennis Erickson two weeks ago. It's not like they haven't tried. Like the last tipsy man at the club, one shirttail out, one in, and falling towards any willing pair of arms, Arizona State has put some sort of concerted effort into its search. Kevin Sumlin said no early in the evening, and left with his friends to go get waffles in College Station. Mike Bellotti got a text but never bothered returning it, while Larry Fedora never responded to that poke on Facebook. (Dicks.) And, for one hot evening, June Jones was the Sun Devils' theoretical head coach.

Initial reports indicated some kind of booster revolt led to the sudden and unprecedented collapse of the deal with Jones, but that might not have been the only factor. True, there are insane things written about everyone on the internet. In fact, in the future, everyone will have their own personal Time Cube page, full of insane theories about them and their place in the universe.

But if you do search "June Jones Scandal," this is what you find: a rambling, poorly spelled open letter from a University of Hawaii professor of social work mentioning Jones specifically and explicitly in an entirely unrelated manner:

All of this raises another, related, question. The "Advertiser," bravely I believe, did an outstanding investigative job in reporting the delicate situation of Hamilton McCubbin's "sexual problems." Why then ignore Dobelle's and those of coach June Jones who impregnated Lily Kahumoku, was seen having sex in a car by Kaiser High School students, is or was dating Timmy Chang's sister or cousin while touting Chang as a Heisman Trophy candidate and who has an ignored moral turpitude provision in his contract because of widespread community and UH awareness of his sexual picadillos? Are Dobelle and Jones sacred cows to the "Advertiser" while it is open season on Native Hawaiian McCubbin?

Before you get too insane over this, remember: internet results MAY BE DECEPTIVE. For instance, Craig James killed five hookers is an entirely unproven statement with no documented basis in reality. How many times do we have to say this, internet?