Even when they're scattered across the country, Holly, Luke, and Spencer share a powerful psychic bond which links their deepest feelings and musings seamlessly. (As a rookie I'm only allowed to use AOL Instant Messenger to connect with them, and even then they just make age/sex/location jokes for ten minutes.) This was a painful weekend for the braintrust, as our teams went a collective 0-3 against hated rivals. What did the frontal lobes of our leadership look like? The only way to know is to head BETWEEN THE SYNAPSES.
(flashing images of a husky Michigan fan talking about fundamentals, a Florida State fan flipping the bird to the staff of a neonatal intensive care unit, and a Kentucky fan wearing a Jamal Mashburn jersey)
(suddenly, peace, and a serene tropical setting)
(bass line drops)
(funky guitar riff)
(the jazziest of horns)
S-HALLZ:
A lonely coordinator sits on top of his cooler
Staring at the toes that he just can't touch
His quarterback throws into sextuple coverage
But all he can do is think about lunch
And all the schemin' just ain't helping at all,
When his best playcall is "pick up your own fumble"
So he goes out and he makes his money the best way he know how
Another offense laying cold in the gutter
Listen to meeee
ALL:
Don't go chasing Neuheisels
Please stick to the Tressels and the Zooks that you're used to
I know that you're gonna play the Compass Bowl or no bowl at all
Just be glad you're not Kansaaaas
HOLLI:
Little Precious has a natural profession
But regrettably he's not an M.D.
Fate gives him injuries that his team just can't handle
And all Vols fans say is "Let's get Dabo Swinney"
One day he goes and takes a glimpse in the mirror
And he doesn't recognize his own hair
His seat is warming and he doesn't know why
Lose to Kentucky and you better beware
Y'all don't hear me
ALL:
Don't go chasing Mendenhalls
Please stick to the Dooleys and the Muschamps you're used to
I know that you're gonna get hate mail misspelling "appalled"
But thank Ole Miss for coming in laaaast
LUKE "LEFT-EYE" ZIMMERMANN
I seen a Vrabel yesterday
But too many runs have come and gone
Leavin' a trace of not one strong defensive play
Is it because of the man with the vest in gray?
I pray tattoos fade away
And think back to Craig Krenzel's glory days
Dreams are hopeless aspirations
In hopes of comin' true
Believe in yourself
And don't wear maize and blue
ALL:
Don't go watching basketball
Please stick to the Insight Bowl airing on ESPN2
I know that you're gonna wish this year hadn't happened at all
But the season's over so faaaast