SOMETIMES YOU CHASE THE DRAGON AND SOMETIMES THE DRAGON CHASES YOU. ALL HAIL THE MIGHTY UAB BLAZERS. Oh, you thought we were going to lead with the Hokies fighting off that most UNC of moves, the late flurry that comes a field goal short of tying the game up. No, you get UAB news first, because when you're barely clinging to Division One football status and yet you beat a ranked team (Southern Miss) for just the third time in history, you get the lead and a picture of the opposing team wondering what the hell just happened. YOU JUST TASTED THE FLAMES SIR. Don't get used to this, because we're pretty sure this whole game was a mistake, but it's a mistake on the board, baby!
OH YEAH THAT "OTHER GAME." The Hokies pretty much set the tone for the game by forcing a fumble on their own 5, and then throwing Logan Thomas and David Wilson in brutal, frustrating variations at the UNC defense for a 95 yard TD drive. There was the inevitable late comeback, but that's merely a contractual obligation for John Shoop, the most effective offensive coordinator for losing games narrowly. Logan Thomas made some very nice passes last night, but we still enjoy him most when he's falling forward for ten yard gains like a tipsy ogre. It's ugly, effective, and humorous, and thus in line with most of Virginia Tech's classic bludgeoning attacks. The win secured a tenth win for the eighth season in a row, the longest streak in the nation. The Hokies are good at football and things.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE NEED TO STOP YELLING "VAGINA?" This is a nice look at Oregon's contingent of football players taking ASL, but in lieu of making the symbol for "Vagina" every time they score, we hope they just start yelling it within range of the on-field microphones. "VAGINAAAAAAAAAAAAA."
IS JUSTIN BLACKMON REALLY 6'1". The answer seems to be, "Only when he's standing still."
WHY BO SCHEMBECHLER THOUGHT YOU WERE FULL OF SHIT. Probably because you were, you lying sack of shit come here I love you [hugs you] [slaps you] [cries.]
"He said, 'Jackson, how'd I do?' I said, 'You did great, Bo.' He said 'Bull----. I don't feel good. I know I didn't do my best,' " Jackson said. "Then he said, how'd he put it, 'I even have trouble tying my shoes. So I know I didn't do a great job, don't lie.'
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE CURIOUS LOCAL MEDIA DEALS. Wide Right Natty Lite is so on point with this.