Bob Davie was hired as New Mexico's new head coach yesterday. A brief excerpt of his introduction follows.
FOOTBAW. That's what brings us HYEER today. Furst, I'd like to thank CURCH Lurksley for the fine work he did here at MEXICAH. Beans and dreams don't buy much, but CURCH LURKSley gave a lot of TAAAAHME an' effort. Don't sell the ol' beans and dreams SHURT. They're all ya got sometimes.
Comin' back ta coachin' after my taaaaahme at EYESSSPEEEYUUNN is a dream I've had ever since I was a boy. First ahh'll be a defensive QWERDNATR. Then, after that, head coach at KNOWTRUH Dane. Wanted to win six games a year or so. Did that, but all the while with my eye onna dream. Leavin' Mark Jones talkin' to himself, and coaching in the MOUNTIN' BEST confrunce.
Betcha didn't know Mark Jones was deaf, did you? Spoiler: blind, too. Hellen Keller of third option ESS-EEE-SEEE ROAD GAMES. Amazin' what he's 'complished. Producers cue him with voltage. Don't fret: It's a low setting. Not even close to what they have to use to keep McDUNNA from killin' the whole crew. He's the best, but there's a beast INSAAAIIIDE that man that don't sleep, and only craves tears and sadness.
Made shure I took my time. Can't just go and take any ol' coachin' job. Gotta make shure folks yer workin' with are PROFESSHUNUL. That's why I said no when Ole Nayvee offerd me manager. Nossir, won't work with kids who don't show SWISHURT DISSUPLUN.
Goes without sayin' I had to consult mah wife 'for takin on this sponserbillimy. Turns out I've been married to a pahl of grass clippins and fudgecle rappers for URTY-DOO YEERS. Best incision I ever made. Lubs yoo, hunny.
I know I'm not local. But I can try. I heard yall like CLOCKOS. YO GUITAR-O CLOCKO BELL. Rett to get started. REtt for some ESS-itement. Rett fer FOOTBAW. Win lose or tie, this is gonna be SOME RIDE, I PURRmise.
Wait what do you mean they ain't gotta tie anymore that's the GENTLEMUN'S HANDSHAPE of outcomes AWWW GINGERFAPS---