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THE MOST AMAZING ATHLETIC FEAT OF THE YEAR. The Alphabetical is up, and as usual there were all sorts of things we couldn't use. Like what, you ask? Like this, motherfucker:

(Via.) When we vomit, we're out of commission for anything for minutes at a stretch, mostly because we're sitting there thinking "When did we eat Legos?" Dedrick Jones of Southern Miss, on the other hand, unloads what appears to be a whole bottle of sports drink onto the field and then nanoseconds later rushes at the shoulder pads of an opposing lineman. You will not see a greater display of pure athleticism this year, reader, nor one requiring more mental fortitude.

A BUSY TIME FOR ALL IN AMES. Preparing for Oklahoma State should have everyone busy, but you know, there's always time to get arrested for robbery, too. The heartland is roiling with adventurous but boundary-challenged young men, as Michigan safety Marvin Robinson's position just became an ironic title with his home invasion arrest, and Illinois hhad a pair of young players arrested for fightin' outside the club

PERHAPS SOMEONE FROM THE EDSBS COMMENTARIAT WOULD LIKE A CHALLENGE. Given the number of lawyers on staff, this would make for an interesting challenge. (Everyone needs an attorney, after all, even Jerry Sandusky.) We guess almost all of you Category 5ers would not have encouraged him to talk to Bob Costas, but that's just a guess.

THAT YOU HAVE TO EXPLAIN IN THE FIRST PLACE IS A DAMNING SIGN.  Virginia is encouraging students to come back early from winter break to attend the V-Tech game, but competing with the gnar-gnar out in Breckenridge is gonna be rough, bro. Ms. Kathy has what is by far the strongest argument.

TIMING IS EVERYTHING. Bill looks at Oregon, who may be better than they were in 2010, but your timing sucks, Ducks. Meanwhile, Pre Snap read has the most delicious of all BCS scenarios: TEN ONE-LOSS TEAMS AH AH AH AH AH.