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  • Paul Pasqualoni stood next to a leaky microwave in 1984 and has seen everyone without their skin ever since. He is still not used to it.
  • Paul Pasqualoni has been sitting in an abandoned mansion he declared "Squatter's rule" in for 3 days smoking crystal meth.
  • Paul Pasqualoni just realized the Big East now has negative teams, and in fact owes other conferences teams.
  • Paul Pasqualoni thinks Silvo Berlusconi is a gentleman's gentleman and can't understand the hubbub about his lifestyle and casually sexist public remarks.
  • Medical science pulled the cord on Paul Pasqualoni years ago and somehow he survives without a heart beat, pulse, or any discernible brain waves.
  • Paul Pasqualoni is about to strike. Go limp; perhaps he will lose interest.
  • Paul Pasqualoni should not be used if you've had liver or kidney problems or have taken Paul Pasqualoni in the last 60 days.
  • Paul Pasqualoni has just been told that A Beautiful Mind is not a comedy.
  • Paul Pasqualoni has just been told that Steve Jobs is dead, and what will all the Steves do for a living oh nooooo---
  • Paul Pasqualoni just relieved himself after 5 days of irregularity. This is the closest feeling to love he's felt in years.
  • Paul Pasqualoni's digestive system is like the Sarlacc's. He is currently working on digesting a ham sandwich he ate in 1998.
  • Paul Pasqualoni thinks "schizophrenia" is an offensive slanderous term. He prefers "open minded."
  • Paul Pasqualoni is reliving his own birth continuously on a loop. Western medicine has treatment options, but he's content seeing where this goes.
  • Paul Pasqualoni is concentrating on making himself explode. It hasn't worked in 40 years of trying, but he's no quitter.
  • Paul Pasqualoni is just hearing this, over and over and over again
  • Paul Pasqualoni is watching Paul Finebaum on Outside the Lines.