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DENARD HAS 99 PROBLEMS AND ONE OF THEM IS A WOMAN

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This was Denard Robinson's Twitter account (@DenardX ) this morning. Good morning, Denard!

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Always log out, Denard, ALWAYS LOG OUT. Chances are she is currently going through all of the other things of yours you left open and logged in on her computer. Your iTunes song recommendations? They're nothing but country music and gay house music now, and are public. We don't mean "fifth-grade-gay" there, we mean "targeted toward homosexual men." She also erased all your other music and then maxed out your credit cards on Toby Keith and Matt Zarley songs. "Are you sure you want to buy 'WTF' by Matt Zarley again?'" Oh, she certainly was, Denard. Like, 300 times sure.

In reverse chronological order picking up from the top: there's more.

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A scene from 2010 in the Michigan locker room.

Denard: Hey, Coach Robinson? I need a password, man?

Coach Robinson: Password, Denard. Password gets 'em every time, because the password is...

Denard: Password?

Coach Robinson: YOU GOT IT, DENARK!

Denard: That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard, Coach Rob.

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[rubs furry stuffed otter with a taser inside it on Robinson]

[sparking noises and Denard screaming]

Robinson: What's the password, Denard? WHAT'S THE PASSWORD?

Denard: PASSWORD OW PASSWORD JUST STOP IT IT BURNS. 

Robinson: Victory! GREATNESS AND VICTORY!

[Greg Robinson then walks into an open sewer he ordered built into the floor of the locker room for like, no reason whatsoever.]