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Our Blogpoll Ballot for week five is in, and it contains ALL OF THE LIGHTS--


For real marching band geekery, listen to the percussion section burbling along and mimicking the drum programming of the original, and for the rest of you, well there are young attractive ladies undulating in the background. This leaves nothing for the ladies, and we're afraid you just have the wiggling khaki-clad ass of the drum major to follow. It's hard to be a woman, and that is not our fault. Please complain to the management.

Blogpoll and special guest reviewer are after the jump.




1. LSU. This could be Alabama, but LSU gets the slight edge for the slightly stronger schedule. Our early hunch is that Alabama's defense is better, and that LSU's offense is slightly more capable, and that tipping either out of their effective co-chairmanship of college football right now is stupid. 

A TERRIBLE FLIGHT INSTRUCTOR: "Most pilots drink. Just avoid liquors with the letter 'w' in them except for whiskey."


2. Alabama. The thing itself is a better explanation than anything we could offer.

A TERRIBLE FLIGHT INSTRUCTOR: "Ice on your wings is like God frosting the cake of your flight."


3. Wisconsin Badgers. Man, Nebraska's gonna steamroll the Big Ten, brah!

A TERRIBLE FLIGHT INSTRUCTOR: "Asians can only turn turboprop planes to the left. It's in their genes or something."


4. Stanford Cardinal. This is mostly Luck, but he could be that good. He also just mowed your lawn, and it looks better than it's looked in years.

A TERRIBLE FLIGHT INSTRUCTOR:  "Flying at night is not a good idea for beginners. It is a GREAT idea for beginners. That was JFK Jr.'s problem: too MUCH experience."


5. Oklahoma Sooners. This is the shakiest pick here, and one that might get shaken even further this weekend against Texas. 

A TERRIBLE FLIGHT INSTRUCTOR: "You can't fly into the sun, but no one's gonna stop you from trying."


6. Boise State. The schedule drop continues.

A TERRIBLE FLIGHT INSTRUCTOR: "That dial? That measures fun relative to altitude. We are currently 3500 Pitbulls above the ground right now."


7. Clemson Tigers. A Clemson team capable of winning games in varying fashions with consistency is surely a sign of the impending great hunger.

A TERRIBLE FLIGHT INSTRUCTOR:  "This plane is like a Prius. It goes on gas until you go to glider mode. You'll probably know when that happens." 


8. Oklahoma State Cowboys. This team has 10-2 written all over them.

A TERRIBLE FLIGHT INSTRUCTOR: "I never fly with women, because all that complaining keeps me at the wrong WAAAHltitude, if you know what I mean, pal!" 


9. Oregon Ducks. I don't even really know how good they are yet, but the trend is upward and can't help but be after the LSU game and a doable Pac-12 schedule.

A TERRIBLE FLIGHT INSTRUCTOR: "If you get cold, start a fire in the ashtray with some pocket lint and a little fuel."


10. Arkansas Razorbacks. Another pick we're less than thrilled about, but that circumstances sort of foisted on us.

A TERRIBLE FLIGHT INSTRUCTOR: "Flying over water will give you cancer."