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Case Keenum: record holder, Rice well-down-thrower.
Case Keenum: record holder, Rice well-down-thrower.

HOLY SHIT CASE KEENUM. La-dee-daaahh, nine TD passes, NCAA career TD record, and Case Keenum throwing Rice down the well. That's what they get for not reading the part on the invitation about this game being "Case Keenum Throws Rice Down A Well Party."  Always read the invitation, and always RSVP to avoid such embarrassing confusions. Keenum passed Graham Harrell for sole ownership of the title, but will never surpass Harrell's Christmas Sweater game.

Oh, and Miami lost, but that is no longer interesting nor surprising, and hasn't been for eight years or so now. Instead of reading about this lackluster game, just watch Rice's kicker fall down and go boom.

PLEASE MOVE ON. That announcement that popped up on the SEC's site last night announcing that Missouri was indeed going to the SEC? Please disregard that as an error by a "web vendor." We like to imagine this as the most literal interpretation of the words, and that a sketchy man with a cart, a generator, and three ancient Tandy computers rolled up to the SEC, sold them some "interweb," and then posted this while he was logged into the SEC's systems through a 56K modem.

THIS HOWEVER IS TOTALLY TRUE. West Virginia is officially invited without Louisville coattailing into the conference along with them, according to Brett McMurphy. They will accept, thus finally trimming the fat off of the Big East down to its real football pillars of UConn, USF, Rutgers, Cincinnati, Louisville, and oh god that's it, isn't it? 

AGAIN HOW DARE YOU INTERFERE WITH THE PRECIOUS ROLE OF THE BOBBY LOWDERS OF THIS WORLD. "Here guys, here's two grand. There's no way you'll ask for more!"

/will ask for more

/deserves it in many cases

BRIAN COOK IS A PROFESSIONAL.  How he did not bust out laughing when the call took a left turn into 9/11 we will never know.

THIS IS HATE SPEECH. Seriously, stop Updyking Alabama, guys. For the elephants. For the elephants.