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BLOGPOLL, WEEK EIGHT: THE GUY WHO CAME TO FLORIDA FOR A FEW YEARS

Hate u, polls. Our week 8 monstrosity is accompanied by commentary from a guy who thought he'd just move to Florida for a few years to relax. Like the entire poll, it was a very bad idea.

Commentary and lack of explanations follow after the jump.

1. LSU. A tossup with Bama, though we really believe LSU would be better in a game where they have to get slightly off-script than Alabama.

GUY WHO CAME TO FLORIDA JUST TO CHILL FOR A FEW YEARS: Eh, just for a few years, you know? Lots of girls. Lots of sunshine. I mean, I ain't got shit going on here in [SHIT STATE IN MIDDLE OF COUNTRY OR POSSIBLY SOUTHERN STATE.] I could just surf, hang out on the beach, tend bar. It'll be cool, trust me.

2. Alabama. Again, just 1 and 1a, not 1 and 2. An oppressor of a football team only a tyrant with a strangulation fetish could love. COUGH COUGH CRAIG JAMES COUGH.

GUY WHO CAME TO FLORIDA JUST TO CHILL FOR A FEW YEARS: Kind of bummed that you can't really surf in Tampa, but whatever. There's a beach, and some bars, and I've got a job working at Home Shopping, and a pretty sweet setup with some friends. You should visit. It's pretty great.

3. Clemson Tigers. The longer Dabo's binky stays lost, the better off Clemson is for it. Number one in our hearts, and we mean that: this is most fun you'll have watching a football team this year, and not in the "fun" way we enjoy watching Kansas play. 

GUY WHO CAME TO FLORIDA JUST TO CHILL FOR A FEW YEARS: Has it been three years? Man, that seems like yesterday. What am I doing? Oh, just working some rental car counter right now, got an earring, trying to keep it clean. Was going pretty hard for a while there, so I'm dialing back the drinking a bit. And the pills, LOL. The weed stays, because it's from the earth and levels me out. Got season tickets for the Bucs, though. Big pimpin' in the 813!

4. Oklahoma State Cowboys. The game against Oklahoma with the Sooners' secondary playing like they did against Texas Tech could be ghastly theater for everyone who has even a passing fondness for good secondary play. HAHAHAH SEEE WHAT I DID THERE [jumps off one of Jacksonville's three thousand bridges.] 

GUY WHO CAME TO FLORIDA JUST TO CHILL FOR A FEW YEARS: [gets a DUI]

5. Boise State. Falling through no fault of their own due to schedule, which is getting weaker...

GUY WHO CAME TO FLORIDA JUST TO CHILL FOR A FEW YEARS: Yeah, having to ride my bike everywhere for a while. Fuckin' broke, too. Dunno how much longer I can hold the rental car thing together with this commute. Some douchebag threw a half-eaten McMuffin at me today. Total waste of food. Still partying, though!

6. Stanford. ...but is still ahead of Stanford's tasty petit-four schedule.

GUY WHO CAME TO FLORIDA JUST TO CHILL FOR A FEW YEARS: Five and a half years? That's CRAZY. Yeah, I don't get back that often. But things are cool here. I finally got that dream job tending bar. Cash is cool but man does it fly! The other night this chick pulled her tits out at the bar and asked for a shot and we ended up having sex in the walk-in it was NUTS. Pretty sure I've finally got this Florida thing wired.

7. Oregon. Percolating along nicely as expected, and only guilty of having LSU fixate on blowing them out of the water for six months.

GUY WHO CAME TO FLORIDA JUST TO CHILL FOR A FEW YEARS: [METH]

8. Kansas State. We don't know either, but there it is.

GUY WHO CAME TO FLORIDA JUST TO CHILL FOR A FEW YEARS:  [crashes at a friend's house for a year and a half]

9. Arkansas. Still the best shot to upset LSU if they get past Alabama, especially if LSU is as fat and happy as they could be by that point.

GUY WHO CAME TO FLORIDA JUST TO CHILL FOR A FEW YEARS: I'm just happy to be there, you know? Got a job at Starbucks, and a girl who loves me for me, and doesn't mind that we have to use her name only on credit applications. It's cool. She's got me going to church. Going to groups. I'm doing some paddleboarding, too. I gotta be honest, but the doc says exercise is good for you like a kind of therapy or something. Didn't know therapy meant getting laughed at by douchebags on jetskis, but you quit meth and you're not gonna look good in a wetsuit, right?

10. TAMU. We don't know if Arkansas and TAMU aren't just the same team at this point, and are operated jointly by the two schools and one Bobby Petrino coaching in a fat suit with prosthetics, and another body double relaying calls from the original Petrino in said fat suit. (This would explain Sherman's late game collapses: Petrino gets distracted and can barely call two games at once.)

GUY WHO CAME TO FLORIDA JUST TO CHILL FOR A FEW YEARS: Back working at the bar, man. The girl didn't work out, but when you're a tiger like me, you gotta roam.

11. Michigan State. Notre Dame's losses and wins this year screw both themselves AND everyone else. So that's progress.

GUY WHO CAME TO FLORIDA JUST TO CHILL FOR A FEW YEARS: [second and third DUIs]

12. Wisconsin. One Hail Mary is about one poll spot's difference, to be fair.

GUY WHO CAME TO FLORIDA JUST TO CHILL FOR A FEW YEARS: Nine years? Crazy, man. Teaching gym isn't that bad. I live close to the school, but I'm in shape from all the walking I do. Sober? When I have to be, but I know how to tickle the dragon's tail without waking him up, you know? Plus I sleep 45 minutes a day in my office and no one says shit. Pension kicks in in ten, too. As long as I wait a year and a half to bone Missy Anderall and her fine but still illegal ass, we're all good.

[doesn't wait a year and a half]

[has to get job at Party City]

THE REST: A total bleeding mess.