The Alphabetical is up, and though we spend a good bit of time discussing just how difficult it is to defend the 2011 LSU Tigers in any phase of the game, please know that Alabama is no less dextrous. For instance, how will Nick Saban kill this Birmingham parking officer? He has so many options at his stubby fingertips, really. Perhaps he'll have her torn to shreds by Finebaum callers, or run over by an endless chain of drunken RVers. Maybe she'll wake up to find the head of John Brantley in her bed and die of fright; maybe Courtney Upshaw will tackle her on the cold 'Hammy pavement, thus separating her life from her body. Most personal of all would be the Nick Saban Death Touch, the finishing move he is saving for deployment against an uppity journalist asking one too many questions about press access to A.J. McCarron. So many options, so little time for this shit.
(Only the fatal headbutt is out of the question, since kneecapping, while painful, hasn't killed anyone we know of yet.)