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It is our belief that there is a quiet movement to slowly drive Craig James away from broadcasting football at ESPN. The method: by sending him as far away from home as possible and by having him call the worst football games the network can find for their Thursday night games. We believe Rece and Jesse are in on it, and do things like rubbing his dental floss with bitter apple and then rewinding it back into the box to make his life slightly less bearable.We believe they say they're staying at the Sleep Inn due to budget constraints, and then leave James only to drive to the Hilton three miles away. We believe in this campaign whether it is real or not.

It is the only real possible explanation for us getting 2011's dull slate of uninteresting games on Thursday night. Tonight's may be the new low: a headless Arizona team playing a UCLA team headed by a truly desperate Rick Neuheisel. Like two starving bedraggled wanderers in the desert, they'll meet, think about fighting, and then spend the better part of their encounter flailing at each other hopelessly not until one wins, but until one decides fighting isn't worth the price of continuing a squalid, desperate existence.

So in other words, it might be better viewing than you think, but not in a way you'll be proud of on a spiritual level. It's so bad we're not doing #CRAIGTRAX tonight, because Craig should really have to go through this one alone for maximum pain. UCF/UAB--that's 0-6 UAB--is the other game tonight. When your significant other finds you sprawled on the floor in shame/pain, nearing the end, throw them the remote, and then look at them and whisper: "EARN THIS."