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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 10/20/2011

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OHHHHHHH SO MUCH POWER. Our Power Rankings for week 8 (EIGHT OMG) are up at the mothership, and feature odes to Mike Sherman winning the Olympic marathon in a pair of Skechers' Shape-Ups, the ongoing crushing of the universe by Alabama, and the omission of LSU just because they appeared to be sleepy and kind of dazed versus Tennessee at times. Hmm...

LES MILES USES THE WORD "SHORTCUTTED." Les Miles didn't say anything past "internal matter" when asked about the suspensions of Tyrann Mathieu, Spencer Ware, and Tharold Simon during his regularly scheduled press conference last night. The three allegedly tested positive for synthetic marijuana, a drug used to get around drug screens for a few years by athletes that is legally sold as potpourri in many states. Les Miles did the testing himself.

The Governor Of Dixie has your best visual on this so far, but as far as actually affecting anything on the field? LSU is so ridiculously deep at this point that the difference may be marginal at best, especially at running back. If all else fails, they can just have Brad Wing do running free kicks and let Mo Isom take kickoffs for special teams. (Go to about 4:18 in that video to wawtch Brad Wing hit a stupid-difficult angle on an Aussie-style kick. This is no surprise, but he was probably a deadly kicker in Aussie Rules. Also, Mo Isom is one of the tougher athletes you may not have heard of in college sports.)

ALIVE AND QUACKING. Darron Thomas says he will play against Colorado, meaning both he and LaMichael James could see action against the majestic but endangered Buffalo on Saturday. (This is the best way of saying we still think Colorado football is an awesome thing in concept, but is very nearly extinct at this point.) If there were one game you might want to take off in the Pac-12 schedule for the Ducks this would be it, but remember: Chip Kelly uses the same ammunition whether he's hunting rabbits or elephants, and that will change when you yank the visor off of his dead skull.

VERBALLY SOLID. We did the internet's most popular college football podcast, and discussed the Truman Show candidates of our dreams for college coaches and the difficult faith required to watch Clemson 2011.

MMMMM NUTPUNCHIN'. Miami went for two against North Carolina, and was quite successful.

EVERYTHING IN THIS IS NECESSARY. Read the whole thread here, but this is by far our favorite comment:

Concentrate on improving the quality of your players and team first. Long time fan here who would rather see a shiny record and good old fashioned ND helmets than a new look.

"Shit! WE DIDN'T THINK OF THAT!"

[/hires coaches]

[/builds weight room]

"Couldn't have done it without the guidance of Facebook user Eric Balke! GO IRISH."

YOU'RE SAYING INEVITABILITY IS INEVITABLE AND THEREFORE BORING. Ratings are down for many teams, not just Notre Dame, but ratings are down for Notre Dame, so that's the name most people will pull out of this. This probably has something to do with the relatively static polls and little in the way of upsets so far this season, but this just means it's going to be a great November, right guys? Guys? [talks in dark room alone, clinging to picture of Brandon Spikes gouging Washaun Ealey's eyes out.] [cries] (Via.)

TOMMIE NEVER LIES.  Tommy Frazier is quite frank about Nebraska's sputtering offense, but fair, but yeah, brutally honest in that Nebraska appears to be having an on-field identity crisis on every snap.

A VERY LONG THOUGHTFUL PROFILE OF PAUL FINEBAUM. We're quoted in this, but don't let that diminish its credibility too much.

ETC: SriRANCHa? Ye gods we have peaked as a civilization. The Buddy Ryan Polish Goalline is the most Buddy Ryan thing ever. MC Hammer is attempting to become a tech mogul. Bebop deserved a better fate.