- Dear Diary, Saw the movie "Drive" today. Not sure what all the fuss is. That Ryan Gosling sure is handsome as a tractor bonnet, but I mean, it was just kind of okay and so hard to follow. XOXO, Rick
- Dear Diary, The Times called me a "trick ass clown fraud" in print today. What's a clown anyways? XOXO, Rick
- Dear Diary, Do they make night lights for the day? And if so, how many does it take to monster proof an office? XOXO, Rick
- Dear Diary, Everybody talks about what a great show "Breaking Bad" is, but "Undercover Boss" has many of the same thrills and just as many if not more turns and twists. XOXO, Rick
- Dear Diary, I can't believe I have to see Norm in a month. Everyone says he was not good for me but I just miss him! :'-( Still, I have to be strong - if it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be! XOXO, Mrs. Norm Chow <3
- Dear Diary, Suing the group 'Pistol Annies' for copyright infringement. I've been moon lighting in red wigs and women's clothes for years and not once have I been offered a record contract. XOXO, Ricki Oakley
- Dear Diary, People give me weird looks when I walk up the ramp and drop the skee-ball in the 100 hole, but what do they care? NOBODY wants a Sega Saturn more than me, and I'm only like 2000 tickets away! XOXO, Rick
- Dear Diary, Why are woodchucks so terrifying? XOXO, Rick
- Dear Diary, The Jamaican man on the radio keeps telling me I murdered a law man but I have no recollection of it. Do I turn myself in? I can't run forever. XOXO, Rick.
- Dear Diary, What do you think the stars are made of? The trainer says they're balls of burning gas, but I still think the Big Dipper is full of Funfetti! XOXO, Rick
- Dear Diary, I - oh shoot, halftime is over! Talk later!! XOXO, Rick
- Dear Diary, What does it mean when you start to grow hair in strange places? Asking for a friend. XOXO, Rick
- Dear Diary, Scared I'm going blind. You know why. Send help. XOXO, Rick
- Dear Diary, When I grow up, I'm gonna be a garbage truck! Toot toot, all abord, trash buddies! XOXO, Rick
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Dear Diary, If I could be on any game show, I think I'd pick Supermarket Sweep. Wait, no, too many carbs! Let's stick to Cash Cab. XOXO, Rick
- Dear Diary, How many times am I going to have to watch "Clueless" before Paul Rudd finally loves me back? XOXO, Rick
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Dear Diary, Why can't Nickelback play my Quinceañera? Life's not fair. XOXO, Rick
- Dear Diary, Dad says Lisa Frank doesn't make playbooks, but I think he's just a cheapskate! XOXO, Rick
- Dear Diary, Al Davis died this weekend. I feel strange. I've never really thought about death before. When both my parents and siblings were killed in a fatal car accident, Great Aunt Jody said if we buried them in a shoebox we could move on. I'll never understand why my entire immediate family were turtles and why Grandpa Steve ran them over like that. XOXO, Rick