2:00 p.m., December 4th, 2011. The offices of Michigan football in Ann Arbor, MI.
DAVE BRANDON opens the door to his office. RICH RODRIGUEZ ENTERS.
Brandon: Rich, please sit down. Wait, what's--
Rodriguez: Before you say anything, I have something to give you. Come in, Greg.
Robinson: I'm narma gitchee kanna won. Yay litesboarding. Candy? Candy Gurg-a wanna.
Brandon: I explicitly told you not to bring anyone else here, Rich.
Rodriguez: I know, but I just want you to know how much I value this job.
Brandon. It's too late for that, Rich. Please get him out of here. The last time he was here he set my drapes on fire.
Rodriguez: It's never too late. I want to show you. With my hands.
Robinson: Numma litesboarding licka wallrag a frame. Frame bunring Gurg nand.
Brandon: Wait, I don't think this is necessary.
With the switftness of a linebacker hitting the hole, Rodriguez seizes Greg Robinson by the throat and begins choking him.
Robinson: NURRRM AAHHHGGGHHS GURG PEXPLAIN AGGHHDGG---
Brandon: Rich, please, I know how hard this has been.
Rodriguez: Be honest. Do you really want me to stop?
Brandon's mind flashes to a single image.
Brandon: You know I'm still going to fire you, right?
Rodriguez: Oh, yeah. But I'll keep going if you want.
Robinson: AKGCCCCKKKKKKKK TILL GURG MAKE KNEEFENSE WIF BUTTER SKUFFED NANIMALS AKKCKKDHHHH---
Brandon pauses. Then, he shifts his weight from one leg to another and nods.
Brandon: We'll move the players' meeting back. I know a place we can dump the body.
Rodriguez: Syracuse? HAHAHAHA!
Brandon: Not a jury alive there that would convict us!
THEY LAUGH.
Brandon: No, but seriously, I was just going to take it out to Dantonio's place. If there's anyone in Michigan who's got a bathtub and enough quicklime to dissolve a human body, it's him.
Rodriguez: Well, duh.
Loading comments...