JUST KEEP IT INSIDE. Ohio State may strike a winning blow for both the Big Ten and its own long losing streak to the SEC tonight in the Sugar Bowl, but before the Buckeyes drag themselves off Bourbon Street, take IV fluids to flush the system of Hand Grenades and 64 oz beers, and proceed to the SuperDome to avenge their people, let's take one last sympathetic look back at the New Year's Day Massacre.
/wipes tear from eye
/so beautiful
/wants to hug Kirk Cousins
/won't because his ribs are shattered
ABOUT LAST NIGHT. If you didn't see Jim Harbaugh on his BOSSFIENDIN' streak last night, let's recap. First he set fire to the Virginia Tech Hokies in the second half and was throwing deep late to bump the margin of certain victory up to a healthy 40-12. (As usual, complaints about running up the score go here. Frank Beamer rang up fifty on Ralph Friedgen and they're friends. Jim Harbaugh fears no man.) Stanford could do that because their offensive line was caught in glorious slow motion last night laying waste to the Hokie defense, and because their defensive line mauled Tyrod Taylor with shocking frequency.
Harbaugh then continued his BOSSFIENDIN' with a complete brazen dodge of Michelle Tafoya in the postgame presser, and all but walked away from Rece Davis' inquiries about his future destinations. The he smiled, uncorked some vintage Bo Schembechlerisms in talking about humble hearts and courage, and threw oranges to his players while extending a middle finger to the media with his other hand. It was poor form to do so, but he was on a roll last night, y'all. BOSSFIENDIN' waits for no man, woman, or reporter.
AND WE'RE ALL GUESSING SO LET'S JUST ADMIT THAT. There's really no telling where Harbaugh is going, since a.) he's an ornery dick of the likable sort, and b.) it comes down to whether he wants to coach in the pros or in college. Therefore all reports--including this one--seem like total moonshotting in all directions, especially since many thought Harbaugh was gone last year to Kansas. In terms of well-sourced rumormongering, he seems like an even slipperier target than most coaches.
YEEEHAAAWVE A GREAT DAY. Les Miles looks way too right in a cowboy hat, but then again he did coach at one of college football's most cowboy hat-friendly schools, Oklahoma State. The grin may be celebrating more than a tight fit of a good hat, since Stevan Ridley, LSU RB, has been ruled eligible to play in Friday's Cotton Bowl.
HE'S LUMP HE'S LUMP HE'S LUMP. Is Lane Kiffin too unemotional for his own good? In a related story, is Lane Kiffin as USC Coach? There's no adjective after that, it's more of an existential question, like "Once he got out of Knoxville, did he cease to exist and instead become a displaced bland ACC coach in the Pac-10?" Note: must scour resume for relevant experience with Tom O'Brien; would explain all.
THE HOUSE OF DICKS. Thujone is fast approaching internet Basquiat territory. Get on the bandwagon before his decadent "groupies and heroin phase."
YE OLDE TRAGEDIE OF CAMLET. There's a full adaptation of the play to fit the Cam Newton story. No, really.
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