THIS MAN IS IN CHARGE OF AN ORPHANAGE NOW AND NOOOOOOO FLAMING ORPHANS--
Dave Brandon, Michigan AD, is supposed to begin his evaluation of Rich Rodriguez. And after those seven seconds are over, he's going to fire Rodriguez, and with him Greg Robinson and his stuffed consort Matilda the Plush Wolverine. Future Michigan coach Jim Harbaugh just has to finish this Orange Bowl thing tonight first, but after that he'll be on the way. For Hokie perspective, Gobbler Country has a good roundup of the Orange Bowl necessaries, as well, but the point is still this:
Har-baugh to Michigan is here
No more quiv'ring fear
Har! Baugh! To Michigan
They'll ask, "What's your deaaaaaaal?"
STEP ASIDE AND LET THE MAN COME THROUGH. Florida is expected to announce Charlie Weis today as our new offensive coordinator. There are several schools of thought on the hire.
- He's an arrogant asshole and his offenses work.
- He's an arrogant asshole and his offenses sort of work but lack a run game
- He's an arrogant asshole who will undermine Muschamp
- He'll die in the Gainesville heat.
- He'll be TEH AWESOM3Z
We're still not even close to deciding which school we're in; when Weis left college football we were happy to see him go since he never seemed to even come close to respecting the college game. Then again, we don't care how he feels: we care if big receivers are snagging well-timed fade throws in the endzone. He could certainly be one of the few people to rebuild the shattered psyche of John Brantley, or start anew with Jeff Driskel. Weis is undoubtedly talented, and he's also--and this is being as charitable as possible--extremely abrasive to those in his immediate vicinity. Admitting this could be a total disaster is necessary, but discrediting the real potential would be insane, since aside from his 2007 unit his ND offenses were productive with ND-grade talent. (Also: A PASSING GAME IMAGINE THAT.)
Additional hires include Travaris Robinson from Auburn's Muschampian staffs and Miami's WR coach Aubrey Hill. Both are from South Florida, meaning we go hard toward Dade, Broward, and Palm Beach because that is what sane recruiting in the Sunshine State is.
LIBERTY BOWL PUNCHOUT. This really should be a two-ingredient appetizer: the first part, an editorial gently suggesting Mark Richt is in a real and live critical moment at UGA after losing to UCF in a bowl to go 6-7 on the year, and the second being a UCF player punching a Georgia player in the facemask to the Punchout theme. Together they sum up the state of Georgia football on the third day of 2011 splendidly.
THE GREAT NEW YEAR'S DAY MASSACRE. As Bomani Jones pointed out on the Morning Jones this morning, take out the 62 yarder by Eddie Lacy and the long run by Julio Jones and the longest run Alabama had versus Michigan State in the Capital One Bowl was 14 yards. Michigan State was beaten to death the same way Jeffrey Dahmer was: with a seven inch long piece of broom handle. The slaughter's best visualization comes from the MZone, who like all rational Michigan fans should be applauding the implosion of the rest of the conference because [MIDDLE FINGERS IN ALL DIRECTIONS.]
Jim Delany would like to remind you that some conferences maintain their integrity, however, and that's worth a thousand brutal losses to other conference's teams THIS MESSAGE INTERRUPTED BY A SPECIAL MESSAGE FROM BARBASOL--
EVERY COACH IN THE ACC WILL EVENTUALLY BE TOM O'BRIEN. Maryland's AD fired Ralph Friedgen and then hired....Randy Edsall. We have replaced your corned beef sandwich with a dry turkey sandwich. Jesus, Maryland, you suck sooooo bad at this game. Every coach in the ACC will eventually just be one variation or another on Tom O'Brien, and the uniformity shall be as white as milk and just as nauseating if you consume enough of it.
Meanwhile, Clemson fans really want Ralph Friedgen, though they'll probably end up with someone Dabo Swinney doesn't feel professionally and intellectually challenged by in the end. Tiger fans will eventually get used to this as their offensive coordinator.
RON FRANKLIN WOULD MAKE AN EXCELLENT HIP-HOP AUTEUR. Bitches need to sit down and listen to Ron Franklin, which they may do when he's broadcasting the World's Strongest Man Semi-finals from their bitter cold booth in lovely Reykjavik, Iceland. The Franklin Theorem is named: you may be "sweetcakes," or you may be an "asshole," but you can certainly not be both, so decide, Ron.
HIGHLIGHTS ARE PERHAPS TOO STRONG A WORD FOR THIS. But it's a nice review of the Outback Bowl nonetheless. Chris Rainey getting caught from behind isn't anything to get too excited about, Big Ten fans, since it's as normal and cyclical as the very fall harvest itself.