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AJ GREEN SUSPENDED FOUR GAMES, SAYS RANDOM PUNISHMENT GENERATOR

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AJ Green sold his Independence Bowl jersey for a grand to an agent-like substance, and though that's been repaid Green will now have to sit out four games because....um...

1.) Four's a neat number! It's got angles and shapes and stuff in it.

2.) The punishment of four weeks is meant to symbolize the four quarters of the year, and is a reflection of life's fullness and the tenuous hold we all have on opportunity. To every season, turn, turn, turn, to every jersey sold on E-Bay, um, sure go ahead and take it Ecclesiastes something or other--

3. Four rhymes with more, which is what you were looking for when you became a whore for the score! #ATLpreachermode

4. Four are the chambers of the heart, as in the one you broke in the Georgia merchandising office when you sold the jersey without them getting a cut. 

5. The number of legs on a Bulldog. 

6. The quarters to a football game. <-----DEEP

All of these make as much sense as the punishment handed down by the NCAA, who says that Georgia may appeal the decision. Appeals have gone well lately, as Ole Miss fans will attest, so a reduction is certainly a possibility. How possible? Do this: eat some Alpha-Bits, do not chew them, and then have someone punch you in the stomach to eject them from your stomach. Whatever results you can divine from the letters are as good as any other guess, though the NCAA swears there's a logic to the suspensions. 

Keep in mind, one can always just say "mitigating circumstances" in reducing the sentence, as they did in the case of Marcell Dareus. Mitigating circumstances could be cited here, too, a handy device in that they do not have to be specified. It's not that this isn't a potentially huge problem, it's just that the punishments following the reimbursement are unnecessarily harsh and often arbitrary despite stated scales of punishment. 

Since the holding out from last week counts, this means Green will miss the South Carolina and Arkansas games and the road game at Mississippi State. If Aaron Murray didn't think he'd face a shitload of eight man fronts, he's about to adjust that expectation severely.