WASHINGTON--Just hours after Boise State defeated Virginia Tech 33-30 in their 2010 season opener, BCS spokesman Bill Hancock held a press conference to defend the integrity of the Bowl Championship Series by demanding to see documentation of the state of Idaho's statehood.
"We congratulate Boise State on their win tonight. They beat a great opponent on the opening night of college football, America's greatest sport. We just want some proof that 'Idaho' is, in fact, as American as the rest of those teams that play this great sport of ours."
Hancock insisted that the move was not intended to prevent Boise State, a preseason dark horse in the national championship picture, from playing its role as a confounding factor in the BCS's formula to determine a national champion in men's college football.
"We believe in Boise's right to compete as a proven college football power. We just want to ensure that they really are as American as they say they are, and not Canadians trying to get a free ride in our football welfare system."
In past years, the BCS's formulas and structure have worked against placing undefeated teams not holding automatic qualifier status in the BCS Championship game. Boise State has gone undefeated twice in the BCS era. In that span they have never made the BCS Title Game.
Hancock insists there is no bias, but focused on what he called "a need for transparency by Boise and their officials."
"That the state of Idaho has not responded to our request for documentation of the state's origins is troubling. Doesn't it seem a bit...pardon the word, but fishy to you? Who knew who these guys were before 1998? And has anyone been to Idaho? Do you even know anyone from Idaho? I'm not saying Idaho isn't real, or that they thrust into our fair nation's geography like the sleeper cell mailbox flag of a Canadian menace waiting to mail us the check for years of envying our freedoms, our success, our lustrous tans?"
"I'm not saying any of that is true, but we just want to make sure it's not with a simple birth certificate. I don't know why anyone has a problem with this simple request unless they've got something to hide."
Hancock then leaned forward, turned his head slightly to the side, and then winked and raised his eyebrows at reporters for 45 seconds straight.
State offices in Idaho closed at 5 p.m. Officials were unavailable for comment, but Wikipedia shows Idaho has been a member of the United States since 1890.