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CARL JOHNSON DOES NOT LIKE 90 YARD SCORING DRIVES. The PBP's interview with Florida lineman Carl Johnson is short but solidly quotable, especially because lineman complaining about their weight is the timeless, ageless mother lode of football humor. 

Q: Are you disappointed the team hasn’t had many long scoring drives? "I really don’t think we should ever start from our own 10. That’s what special teams is for. I’m fat. Listen, I don’t want no 90-play drives. I’m telling it like it is. I love them 40-yard drives."

Lemonade from lemons, offensively speaking. 

HEY LOOK YOU SHOULD READ THIS: The whole piece is a non-maudlin look at a very easily sentimentalized subject, and for that Andy Staples should be roundly applauded, but if nothing else argues for a mandatory read of his piece on Fort Campbell High, it should be the scene with high school players chanting this: 

Counts: "I!"

Players: "I!"

Counts: "Am the god!"

Players: "Am the god!"

Counts: "Of hellfire!"

Players: "Of hellfire!"

Counts: "And I bring you!"

Players: "And I bring you!"

Counts: "Thunder!"

Players: "Thunder!"

SPEAKING OF FAT MEN, TEXAS HAS A FAT GUY WRANGLER POSITION YOU MIGHT WANT TO APPLY FOR. Mack Brown doesn't have a problem with Texas offensive line coach Mac McWhorter even though he was caught ripping his assistant's face off on national television Saturday night. Mack Brown has attributed this to his passion, and that McWhorter is in an unfair situation because of this, and that there are no problems whatsoever. This will explain why McWhorter accepts the job of offensive coordinator at North Texas in the offseason and we all avoid untoward public nastiness Peter certainly wouldn't have a problem with it, though you really can tell a coach's quality by his name alone. Alliteration is never a good sign; neither are middle names (i.e. Joe Lee Dunn, who we love but whose defenses were dumb/aggressive and as prone to giving up 70 yard bombs as they were to knocking the back molars out of a qb's head.) Ditto for quirks like going barefoot or wearing sunglasses and red shoes all the time. 

THIS SENTENCE IS FUN. Whenever the Fresno State game is described as a "must-win," your year is already on fire and taking on water in shark-infested waters. BUT THAT'S WHEN HOUSTON NUTT REALLY TURNS IT ON, PEOPLE. (If Ole Miss wins six games this year it will be a goddamn miracle, and Houston Nutt can take both the Best and Worst Coach of the Year award for his work in each half of the season.) 

NON-PROFIT STATUS IS APPARENTLY VERY EASY TO GET. The BCS is technically a non-profit, something the Playoff Pac has decided to challenge by filing a complaint with the IRS. BCS defense: "We are a non-profit, since profit simply can't describe the cash we're rolling in as a result." The complaint targets the Bowls specifically, especially their CEO's and their salaries. (Which sit in the comfortable, affordable low 600K range.) A particular indefensible but not new point: The Fiesta Bowl's hefty lobbying on its own behalf to the tune of $1.2 million dollars. Tax lawyers, unsheath thy pens and get thee to the comment thread: it is your time to do battle. 

KENTUCKY SHOULD BE TROUBLESOME FUN AS ALWAYS. That was not a hallucination: Mark Schlereth will be the color announcer for Florida's game against Kentucky on Saturday night. THROW THE CHALLENGE HOMOSEXUAL SLUR, MARK! (After the jump.)