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JEWEL HAMPTON OUT FOR YEAR THANKS TO HAUNTED HAWKEYE ACL

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Iowa was supposed to have running backs this year. Plenty of them. Scads of them. Sheds full of them, waiting in the concussion sheds of college football without complaint (eyes Adam James angrily.) They would run, and America Himself could throw off their play fakes, and thus would North Korea be freed and the Mexican drug war won.* 

[THIS PLAYS]

All celebratory man-hugs must be postponed now, as Iowa starting RB Jewel Hampton and his ACL have decided to part ways for the immediate future.  (Even Paki O'Meara is concussed. NOT PAKI, TOO, YOU BASTARDS.) In retrospect the agenda to win the Big Ten, invade NoKo, and then take on the drug barons of Ciudad Juarez may have been overly ambitious. Stanzi would end the Mexican drug war sometime in the next year, not 2010, and it would look like this.